Movie Review: The Invitation (2015)

Halloween day 32!
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tonight's feature: The Invitation (2015) on Shudder

Some movies are such a slow burn they simply don't work. Some slow burns are too slow for a lot of people. The Invitation is a slow burn that hit me at just the right time. Because once it hits, it's like going from 10 miles an hour to 100 miles an hour straight into a brick wall, which could be good or bad, depending on the writing.

Will and Kira are headed to a dinner party at the home of his ex-wife, Eden (well, also his ex-home). A lot of old friends are there along with Eden's new husband David and a few of David's odd new friends. Will keeps getting weird vibes even though David says to just be cool. They start playing some suggestive word games and one friend decides she's had enough and leaves. Dinner is served and things seem fine but something is bothering Will. Despite finding out slowly that Will and Eden lost a child a few years ago, you find out that David is into some very weird hippy new age religious sort of shit. The group starts to wonder if David is trying to sell it like some Amway but he laughs it off. Will gets more and more suspicious to the point that he embarrasses himself. Eventually though, he was right all along and something very, very bad is about to go down.

The Invitation probably won't be for everyone, but if you've got a little patience for character building and backstory... and love a serious horror payoff, this flick will hit the spot. 9 glasses of red wine out of 10.

Movie Review: Nightbreed Director's Cut (1990)

Halloween day 16!
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tonight's feature: Nightbreed (1990) on Shudder

I don't quite understand the love for this movie. Sure there are a lot of weird and cool characters, some great makeup and effects, and a robust bizarre premise, but the plot feels like it was determined by a roll of a 20 sided die. A little bit of "what the hell?" mixed with some "ok then." I had a hard time rooting for team monster and the "bad guys" were so buffoonish I could barely watch. Maybe if it was still 1990 and I was stuck in a dark theater I would have liked it better, but I doubt it. Something felt off to me, and while stylistically it was cool, I thought the whole thing ended up as a big letdown. My bad. 5 secret monster cities underneath a graveyard in the middle of nowhere out of 10.

Miniseries review: Stephen King's The Shining (1997)

Halloween day 15!
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tonight's feature: Stephen King's The Shining (1997 miniseries)

First off, Kubrick's version is a masterpiece. I know it doesn't stick close to the book, that's ok. Probably better than ok because this 1997 miniseries forced all the book into 273 minutes and it's chock full of unnecessary fluff and backstory. This version is only for the Stephen King completist: you get what you missed in the first movie, but also a watered down tv version that is less than scary. In fact, the only thing scary about it is how they can make such an annoying and drawn out version last for 3 full episodes. The kid actor was also annoying. Everyone in 1997 wearing those same Levis jeans is pretty annoying too. Did I mention most of the action takes place during the daytime? That seems even less frightening. If it wasn't The Shining I would have turned it off 30 minutes in. Bonus points for being filmed at the actual Stanley Hotel. 4 over-sized croquet mallets out of 10.

Movie Review: Mandrake (2022)

Halloween day 11!
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tonight's feature: Mandrake (2022)

Mandrake is a cross between a gritty psychological crime drama and dark Irish folk horror. The film works effectively as it pulls you into the sleepy little village with a terrible past.

Cathy the probation officer ends up with "Bloody" Mary Laidlaw on her client list after Mary is released from prison. She apparently murdered her husband with an axe after he caught her with another dude (the Wandering Man) out in "the moss." The entire town thinks she's a witch (and they're not exactly wrong), but once two children go missing and end up dead they're ready for revenge.

I thought they did a great job with the majority of the movie but the ending was pretty clumsy and left me laughing out loud. You're not 100% sure exactly what happens and I can't tell if that's supposed to leave the door open for a sequel or just poor decision making. 6 screaming baby mandrake roots out of 10.

Movie Review: Black Sunday (1960)

Halloween day 10!
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tonight's feature: Black Sunday (1960)

Another Mario Bava classic, Black Sunday (alternatively titled The Mask of Satan and Revenge of the Vampire) wasn't exactly a big hit upon first release in its native Italy. After subsequent releases in France and America the movie was considered a pioneering work in Italian gothic horror, setting the standards for terror, eroticism and graphic violence along with making Barbara Steele a major star in Italy.

The film begins with a vampiric witch and her lover being sentenced to death in 1630s Moldavia, putting a curse on the brother who condemned her before she dies. Two centuries later, a doctor and his buddy stumble into the tomb and accidentally start a process where the witch eventually comes back to life. Lots of murder and drama and possession and undead action ensue.

Black Sunday is pretty epic for 1960 and even gives Dracula a run for its money. Definitely a movie everyone should see at some point. 9 giant fake vampire bats out of 10.

Movie Review: A Bay of Blood (1971)

Halloween day 9!
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tonight's feature: A Bay of Blood (1971)

A Bay of Blood may be the most influential of all the early slasher films. Released in Italy in 1971 under the title Antefatto ("Before the Fact"), then later re-released as Ecologia del delitto ("Ecology of Crime"), Reazione a Catena ("Chain Reaction") and Bahia de Sangre ("Bay of Blood" in Spanish) at various times, the film was eventually released in 1972 as Carnage in the states before the name changed to Twitch of the Death Nerve, the Last House on the Left Part II, Last House Part II and also New House on the Left. Directed and co-written by the master of Italian horror, Mario Bava, the film set a new standard in violence and gore.

Basically a complex murder mystery that keeps the murders and murderers ever-changing, A Bay of Blood centers on the death of the ultra wealthy Countess Federica Donati and the many who would claim her estate. But the mystery only seems to get more confounding because everyone seems like they might have been in on it.

Graphic murder scenes aside, this movie draws you in as the characters navigate against each other. Add in the sexy 70s soundtrack with exceptional bongo action and you've got something a step up from your basic Friday the 13th (which copied greatly from this blood splattered classic). 8 billhook machetes out of 10.

Movie Review: Alone in the Dark (1982)

Halloween day 8!
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tonight's feature: Alone in the Dark (1982) on Shudder

At first glance Alone in the Dark has the hallmarks of a classic: an epic cast (including heavy hitters Jack Palance, Donald Pleasence and Martin Landau), a punk rock band called The Sick Fucks singing a song called "Chop Chop Chop up your Mother", a premise about multiple psychopaths escaping a mental institution, etc etc. But that's just about where the high expectations end. It also features a wildly uneven script and some wholly unbelievable characters and scenarios, almost like it doesn't really want to be a slasher movie.

The four psychopaths, a former prisoner of war, a pyromaniac, a child molester and a serial killer all escape when the security system fails due to a power outage. They decide to kill their new psychiatrist, picking up weapons at the mall during the blackout. After a while they turn up, more or less, at the psychiatrist's house, kill a few people and torment the family for a while before getting picked off, one by one.

It's not a terrible movie, but there's a lot of psychobabble and grating weirdness that doesn't quite feel right. The psychopaths steal a van and end up feeling more like the Scooby Doo gang than a group of terrifying murderers. A bit of a letdown considering the cast. Sure was fun to see these actors being twisted though. 6 crossbow toting Jack Palances out of 10.

Movie Review: Speak No Evil (2022)

Halloween day 7!
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tonight's feature: Speak No Evil (2022) on Shudder

My hot takes: "annoying" "an hour too long" "disturbing and frustrating"

Speak No Evil is some heady and twisted Scandanavian horror. Basically a long descent into annoyingly staying polite and quiet while someone else slowly becomes a bigger and bigger asshole with every passing moment. Also a perfect analogy of when to get up and leave the room if you're being disrespected.

On vacation in Italy, Danish couple Bjørn and Louise and their daughter Agnes meet a Dutch family: Patrick, Karin and their depressed son Abel, allegedly born without a tongue. They seem to hit it off and eventually Patrick invites the Danes to a weekend at his home in the Netherlands. Things start off weird and get weirder, darker and significantly more annoying as the Dutch couple keep pushing the boundaries of dickish behavior. Just past the point where I wrote the entire film off as "a cringey uncomfortable weekend in the Netherlands" things take a shocking turn and one couple become victims of the other.

One review I read said Speak No Evil was a "very black dramedy" and "a malevolent satire on the Nordic culture of taking good manners to the extreme" which makes some of the grating plot points more understandable. It's infuriating to watch someone not fight for their lives when their family is in danger. Maybe I don't quite get the culture references but if someone was going to hurt my wife and kid I am probably going to at least try to gouge their eyes out with whatever is handy. 7 stuffed bunnies out of 10.

Movie Review: The Omen (1976)

the horror continues... 1 night till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The Omen (1976) on HBOmax

(SPOILERS?) If you had just one takeaway from the 70s classic horror film The Omen, it should probably be "don't ever take a random baby, especially not from a priest, no matter the circumstances." I watched the Omen several times in my life and it never disappoints. I like how they make the smallest things absolutely terrifying, like taking your kid to church or a dog just sitting there looking at you.

American diplomat Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck) and his wife Kathy are living in Rome when he finds out their newborn baby died in childbirth. A creepy priest says "hey, we have this baby, just take it, what could go wrong? his mother died. so tragic. no seriously, take this random baby. I insist." and after a few minutes Thorn is like, "yeah that IS a good idea, why even tell my wife our baby died?" Of course that's no random baby, it's the son of Satan himself, little Damien, born of jackal. Other priests show up five years later in Britain and try to tell Thorn to kill his son with no success. It takes him the entire movie and everyone dying to figure out the truth and by then it's basically too late as he gets shot in the face trying to do the right thing.

The Omen is considered supernatural horror but it's not quite like most horror movies. By the end there is some very dramatic stuff but the rest is kind of a slow psychological terror, because the audience knows the deep and evil menace could strike at any moment. They did several sequels and a remake in 2006, and now I'll have to put them on the horror to-view list. 8 unfortunate birthmarks out of 10.

Movie Review: Glorious (2022)

the horror continues... 2 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Glorious (2022) on Shudder

(SPOILERS?) I put off watching Glorious because I thought it would just be a bunch of senseless gore. The poster shows a guy holding a severed leg so that makes sense, right? But I didn't really notice the pale pink and purple lights and all the tentacles, which would let a discerning fanboy know this is Lovecraft inspired horror at its cosmic squelching best.

Our protagonist, the depressed enigma named Wes, is driving down the highway with his car full of stuff. He stops at a rest area and gets trashed, since he may or may not have lost his girlfriend recently. Once he enters the restroom, however, he is unwittingly stepping into the domain of one of The Great Old Ones, a demigod bent on destruction of humanity and life on earth. He just needs West to complete one small task to set the universe right.

The movie doesn't veer much from this premise or setting but that's ok. It worked for me because it was quite different and pretty heady in the conceptual department. It might be a downer if you were looking for a bloodbath with multiple characters, but I'm pretty glad I gave it a chance. 8 vividly painted glory holes out of 10.

Movie Review: The Cleansing Hour (2020)

the horror continues... 3 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The Cleansing Hour (2020) on Shudder

The Cleansing Hour might work for some Gen Z kids but I had a hard time restraining myself from turning it off and taking a nap. Not because I was tired, but because the movie was tired: forced script, corny one-liners, ding dong premise, unbelievable schtick, grating characters, idiotic dialogue... etc. Not even trying to be scary. Or maybe they just failed at it.

Father Max, a fake priest who does fake exorcisms on a popular webcast show, gets the shock of his life when an actual demonic presence takes over the actress in the latest episode. Almost the entire movie is this one drawn out scenario which is being livestreamed to a growing worldwide audience. Father Max and his producer buddy Drew have to get their wits about them to defeat this old demon that's just trying to get famous on the internet. So strap in, because it's going to take a very, very long time to get this over with. I mean, how do you do an exorcism if you're just douchey young Max (who says he quit the priesthood years ago but also killed a nun once in catholic school) in real life? You're going to have to google it and I'm going to be here cringing all the while.

Shockingly the film had decent scores online which led me to give it a go, but I found The Cleansing Hour painfully bad. Like insultingly bad. Maybe I am being too harsh after seeing multiple films this week that were pretty damn good? Doesn't matter. I'm not getting those 94 minutes back. 1 Lucifer pretending to be another demon to possess the entire world via your dumb youtube video out of 10.

Movie Review: Barbarian (2022)

the horror continues... 4 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Barbarian (2022) on HBOmax

Depending on your tastes, Barbarian is either the best new horror movie you've seen or just another ho-hum, overrated affair. I can't comprehend the latter because I absolutely loved this movie. I was lucky enough to have a friend warn me in advance not to read any spoilers and I think that made a difference. So if you haven't yet, then definitely don't.

Without ruining the plot entirely, Barbarian is basically a sordid tale of what could go horribly wrong with that quaint little Airbnb you booked. But it's also a film where you might stand up in a theater and shout things like "DON'T DO IT!", "WHAT THE F****!" or "AW HELL NAW!" before covering your eyes with your hand.

Despite what seemed like a slow start, Barbarian has you thinking you know what's up before turning the entire story on its head. For that alone it should get an academy award, but what do I know? 10 bottles of milk out of 10.

Movie Review: Exorcist III (1990)

the horror continues... 5 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Exorcist III (1990) on Shudder

What the Exorcist III lacks in projectile vomit, it more than makes up for it in terms of extended dialogue, conversation and lots of talking. Multiple murders are taking place and for the longest time, we just hear the detectives describing them after the fact, which almost feels like I'm hearing a review of a movie and not actually watching one. Things finally pick up though for even more intense talking scenes and a few genuine frights before a giant blowout of an ending battle.

Lieutenant William F. Kinderman (George C Scott) is a cop who has seen it all, including the Gemini Killer murders. Bodies start turning up suspiciously like the Gemini Killer's victims that have also been injected with precise amounts of chemicals for paralysis, all their blood removed before being decapitated and so on. Well it just turns out that maybe this crazy guy in the psych ward prison is actually Father Karras from the first movie, somehow surviving after being dead and buried and falling down an infamous flight of stairs. Now, possibly, the evil inside him has brought in the spirit of the actual Gemini Killer who frequently inhabits other people's bodies to do all the killing and... he could just inhabit other people, but he's also trapped inside Karras? I mean, he has to use other people but returns to Karras? I'm not sure why that makes sense but they're definitely not going to be able to stop him... or are they?

Overall it was shockingly good for having less action than your typical twisted satanic horror movie. It probably should have been the script for Exorcist II, but I definitely find the first Exorcist to be profoundly more terrifying than either one. 8.5 broken radios in the asylum out of 10.

Movie Review: Black Death (2010)

the horror continues... 6 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Black Death (2010) on Prime

Black Death looked pretty good on paper and by paper I mean the snippet of text that comes with every Amazon Prime Video movie. It stars Sean Bean and Carise Van Houten of Game of Thrones fame so it feels like it should have at least some pizazz. But after a while, this grim black plague film starts to feel like an underwhelming episode of Game of Thrones itself.

The premise: in plague-sickened medieval England, Osmund the monk (Eddie Redmayne) is doing his best to not die and lives in the monastery. He sends his secret girlfriend away with a big bag of bread and onions and promises to meet her in the forest in a week. He prays for a sign from Jesus and suddenly the bishop's envoy shows up and asks the monks for a guide to a village near the forest. Osmund signs up to get the hell out of dodge. He soon finds out that the envoy Ulric (Bean) and his band of unwashed warriors are actually looking to capture a necromancer in a remote village to bring him back for a trial and execution because of raising the dead, eating man flesh and so on. Of course terrible things start happening and many a witch will be burned and many a man stabbed and hanged. When the group finally arrives, the village doesn't have any plague and that makes Ulric and his men suspicious, but maybe they just have soap and water and know how to use it? Langiva (Van Houten) allows the men to stay in the village but keeps mocking god, which goes over like you'd think. Heavy drama ensues.

It's definitely not a bad movie but I feel like whoever wrote the script hates christians AND pagans. I thought the pacing was a bit off and some of the plot choices could have been better, including a the tacked-on ending, but I liked it. My wife said it was terrible and predictable. I would give it 7 medieval salves which would definitely qualify as witchcraft out of 10 while my wife said it should only be 6 infected plague armpits out of 10.

Movie Review: The Witch Who Came from the Sea (1976)

the horror continues... 7 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The Witch Who Came from the Sea (1976) on Shudder

I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do, but The Witch Who Came from the Sea should probably be avoided unless you're on the world's greatest quest to find the most nonsensical, painfully weird, disjointed and generally terrible horror movie of all time, even if the movie poster is kinda awesome. Listed as a "video nasty" by the UK Department of Prosecutions back in 1976 and considered by many to be breaking obscenity laws, the film tells a sordid tale of a psychotic, sex-crazed woman who goes on a killing and castrating spree after years of sexual abuse by her seafaring father.

I can't describe it any better than this online review: "Bizarre mish-mash of sexuality, horror, terrible & great writing, exploitation and art-house, that works just over 50% of the time. Certainly one for those interested in bizarre forgotten horror films."

The movie's premise isn't really the problem so much as the incredibly uneven editing, confusing dialogue and haphazard way the story unfolds. You're never really sure what's happening or when it's happening, and have no real interest because the characters are such drastic caricatures. By the time you get a grip on it, the movie is pretty much over. I could definitely have lived without watching the sex abuse scenes and probably the entire movie, if I really think about it. 2 razor blades for chopping off man bits out of 10.

Movie Review: The House of the Devil (2009)

the horror continues... 8 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The House of the Devil (2009) on Shudder

House of the Devil was a fantastic throwback to classic horror films of the 70s and 80s. So much so that you might even think it was actually filmed in the mid-80s. Allegedly they used the same technology as those older films to get the same vintage feel. The rotary phones and music selection were nice touches.

Samantha is a young college student who's getting a new place but she really needs to figure out how she's going to pay for it. She ends up seeing a flyer looking for a babysitter and calls the number. Big mistake. Once she shows up for the job, it turns out not to be a babysitting gig after all, but looking after an elderly mother during a lunar eclipse. She decides things aren't quite right and wants to leave but the creepy tall man offers her $400. $400 was a lot of money back then, apparently. Samantha decides to stick it out for the 4 hours against her best friend's urgent pleas. Naturally, all hell breaks loose.

Highly recommended if you dig slow burn horror, occult craziness, the Fixx, and obviously 70s and 80s horror movie vibes. I probably would have done the ending different but still I gotta give House of the Devil 9 pepperoni pizza slices out of 10.

Movie Review: Society (1989)

the horror continues... 9 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Society (1989) on Shudder

(SPOILERS?) Society is the cult classic 80s horror film that probably haunted your dreams as a kid, unless you were one of those weirdo kids into the sickest horror imaginable. Lucky for me, I waited 33 years to finally check it out and I'm feeling pretty good about it because it's a double nutted, body horror, freak show mind-warp .

The film is divided into two main parts: part one, the majority of the movie, where an annoying troubled teen (played by Billy Warlock, soap opera star and son of stuntman Dick Warlock who played Michael Myers in Halloween II) struggles with his family and pretty much everyone else as a dumpy script barely scrapes along with more WTF?s and HUH?s than your average Hollywood crap fest. Then part two, the big reveal where all the rich, stupid assholes in his life (including his parents and sister) turn out to be body-morphing, sex-crazed aliens and they all get half naked, wet and sloppy deformed to slurp the life juices out of his body in a big nasty orgy.

Once you've seen it, you'll never forget it, but you may regret it. Bonus points for completely random, pointless characters like the bizarro giant punk rock lady who eats human hair for no reason. Still sad Michael J Fox wasn't in this. 6 bullies turned inside out out of 10, but only because the end was so shockingly disturbing.

Movie Review: Watcher (2022)

the horror continues... 10 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Watcher (2022) on Shudder

Watcher (not to be confused with the Netflix series "The Watcher" or "The Witcher") is the slow burn-iest of slow burn horror, with a supremely satisfying last five minutes. If you're the kind of horror fan who can't wait for your horror to get real, you might want to pass on this one. Watcher is more of a tension building exercise than a traditional slasher movie.

Julia and Francis move from America to Bucharest, Romania. Francis speaks Romanian and he's got a new job keeping him busy. Julia is bored and can't speak Romanian, leaving her frustrated in the new city. She discovers a weirdo constantly staring at her from his window across the street. Pretty soon she's being followed and starts getting more and more paranoid since there's a weird serial killer in the neighborhood chopping off women's heads.

While it's probably not for everyone, it felt pretty effective by the time the ending rolled around. If they hadn't nailed it, I'd be giving it a big thumbs down, but instead I'd say Watcher is a solid 7 weird guys always watching you out of 10.

Movie Review: Hell House LLC (2015)

the horror continues... 11 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Hell House LLC (2015) on Shudder

Hell House LLC was a solid Halloween romp that had some legitimate spine tingling moments, assuming you can get past the shaky home video feel of that sweet, sweet found footage. That's right, Hell House LLC is yet another found footage horror movie but this one is a tad better than most.

The movie is basically a documentary investigating some unexplained deaths that occurred at a haunted house in New York state on its opening night. All but one of the staff were killed along with fifteen guests. The remaining staff member is tracked down by the documentary crew and she brings a buttload of video with her. Then we get to see the gang planning and preparing this old hotel into a must-see haunted house, which may or may not have been used for rituals by a satanic cult. Weird spooky shit starts happening and odd and terrifying things get caught on video but the group ignores all the warning signs. With cameras all throughout the hotel, most of the carnage of the event is caught on security cameras. Still, no one can explain what really happened after it's over. (I mean Satan *cough* maybe/ *cough*)

I liked the movie well enough but was surprised to learn there are already 2 sequels? Bold move for a found footage trilogy. (they found MORE footage??) 7 creepy clowns embodying pure evil out of 10.

Movie Review: Honeymoon (2014)

the horror continues... 12 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Honeymoon (2014) on Hulu

Honeymoon is a competent and suspenseful little horror tale set in the modern age, despite the ending leaving you wondering if they forgot to finish the story. Although I did feel like a dirty old man watching this young, newly married couple getting it on repeatedly in the setup (I mean, they are on their honeymoon after all), things quickly go south between the couple and all the romance is blown out the window when shit gets weird.

Bea (played by Game of Thrones star Rose Leslie) and Paul head to the family's rustic cabin to finally celebrate their big day, but after a short while Bea disappears one night and Paul finds her naked and confused in the woods. At first chalking it up to sleepwalking, Paul suspects worse as her behavior changes completely. He assumes she's had some sort of affair, but the truth is much more terrifying.

Everything worked for me with the story, pacing and uneasiness, but I still am not sure what the hell happens at the end. Aliens? Demons? Witches? Nazgul? Ghosts? Nobody will ever know, I guess, which takes an 8 bright lights in the woods out of 10 down to 6 weird worm looking creatures pulled out of her hoo-ha out of 10.

Movie Review: Trick or Treats (1982)

the horror continues... 13 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Trick or Treats (1982) on Shudder

Hot damn, Trick or Treats is a terrible movie. Just stunningly awful. Another movie trying to replicate the success of 1978's Halloween and tripping over its own ineptitude on repeat. Some of the worst acting, writing and dialogue ever put to film.

The premise: the world's shittiest adult aged babysitter is forced to watch the world's most annoying spoiled brat on Halloween night and things get deadly when the psychotic dad (who looks exactly like Meat Loaf) escapes the mental hospital hellbent on revenge. Luckily for the babysitter lady, Meat Loaf dad takes almost the entire film to travel to the house after his escape. The stupid kid keeps pranking the babysitter, to the point where you hate both of them after about 6 minutes. There are other pointless asides: phone calls from the dumb boyfriend, a random scene involving film editors who are working on the babysitter's latest movie, some unknown guy asking her to party as she gets in her car, Meat Loaf dad threatening homeless dudes for their soiled clothes at knifepoint. This movie even had David Carradine listed as the marquee star and he was only in it for 5 minutes at the beginning.

Another film I struggled to finish, Trick or Treats should only be viewed by archivists trying to find the world's shittiest film. My wife came in for the last 20 minutes and even she hated it. 1 short random montage of classic Vegas signs out of 10.

Movie Review: Dark Night of the Scarecrow

the horror continues... 14 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981) on Shudder

Dark Night of the Scarecrow is a pretty compelling story for being a 1981 made for tv movie. Very light on the gore, it still has creepy small town vibes, dastardly hillbillies and wholesome Halloween themes.

Some angry townsfolk jump the gun and shoot the big town idiot before realizing he didn't do the crime. Those good ole boys get away with murder and are haunted from beyond the grave, one by one. Serves 'em right! 8 characters named Bubba and Skeeter out of 10.

Movie Review: Re-Animator (1985)

the horror continues... 15 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Re-Animator (1985) on Shudder

As sick and twisted as it is quintessential, Re-Animator is a ghoulishly perfect horror movie. I had seen bits and pieces of it over the years but I don't remember ever watching the entire thing, so my expectations were low. This horror classic has it all: zombies, demented scientists, Barbara Crampton, Jeffrey Combs, undead cats bent on revenge, sex with a decapitated head, etc.

Herbert West develops a 'reagent' formula that brings dead things back to life, but he can't quite master the dosage. After being accused of murdering his professor in Switzerland, he ends up at Miskatonic University in Massachusetts to continue his studies. West brings back his roommate Dan's cat. West convinces Dan it was his reagent and Dan tries to convince the dean of the reagent's potential, but instead of embracing it, both are barred from the school. Naturally they break into the morgue to re-animate a dead body to prove the reagent works on humans. Things get way out of control and the dean ends up dead... until they jab him with the fluid. Things spiral into the abyss and the plot gets more insane and demented as it goes. 10 shots of glowing green goo right in the neck out of 10.

Movie Review: Sorority House Massacre (1986)

the horror continues... 16 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Sorority House Massacre (1986) on Shudder

Sorority House Massacre wants to be Halloween (the film) so bad it can taste it. It's got a psychotic killer escaping from the mental hospital heading back home to do some more killing, but without all the style and terror of the 1978 classic. There's a family connection and a lot of nightmare dream sequences for our young heroine, but the plot drags and the dialogue is juvenile. The characters are about as compelling as a box of old socks.

There are a few topless shots for the teenagers, then finally bad Bobby arrives and the stabbings begin. It's not Shakespeare but not as bad as a lot of other bottom of the barrel horror, and for the 1980s it's pretty on point. Just needs its own Dr. Sam Loomis. 6 safety ladders out the window that aren't so safe out of 10.

Movie Review: The McPherson Tape (1989)

the horror continues... 19 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The McPherson Tape (1989) on Shudder

For what it was at the time, The McPherson Tape is pretty cool. The concept: a family celebrating a child's birthday party are interrupted by an alien invasion and everything is caught on home video. The beginning is pretty believable in a "damn, what an annoying family in a grainy home video" kind of way. Then suddenly these 'brothers' see a UFO and begin having an extended panic attack. The hysterics are cut down by the womenfolk in the house, who get everyone calmed and back to birthday party fun. The little grey men return and the panic resumes, until later on, when they decide to play a card game. Filming the entire thing non-stop is younger brother Michael who just recently bought his fancy new video camera.

I guess for 66 minutes it isn't too bad. Ok I'm kidding, it's difficult to watch the entire thing. Maybe 15 minutes of it are key and the rest is just painful, especially the fake panicked chaos. Kudos for coming up with the idea and making a lot of UFO diehards think it was the real thing for decades. Also good job making one long running shot into a movie so you didn't have to do any editing. 3 birthday parties ruined by an alien invasion out of 10.

Movie Review: The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

the horror continues... 20 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The Hills Have Eyes (1977) on Shudder

This Wes Craven classic is up there with some of the all time greats. Sure, the characters are over the top and the Mad Max meets the Flinstones vibe seems a little far fetched for 1977, but you can't go wrong with the absolute chaos set loose in The Hills Have Eyes.

The Carter family are driving through the desert on their way to Los Angeles and decide to ignore Fred the gas station guy when he tells them to stay on the main highway. Soon they're stuck deep in the middle of nowhere and become targets of a brutal family of mutant cannibal assholes. Dad decides to walk back to the gas station by himself, one of the dogs gets murdered and then it becomes dark. Bad stuff happens then the baby gets kidnapped and gets slated for the next bbq.

After more murders, chase scenes, and dog attacks, the remaining Carters have seemingly become as bloodthirsty as the cannibals. Obviously essential viewing for any true horror fans. 8 blood-curling-can't-think-straight Brenda screams out of 10.

Movie Review: Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1982)

the horror continues... 21 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1982) on Shudder

(SPOILERS?) Holy shit this was a dark movie. This kid Billy (Jimmy McNichol) lives with his aunt Cheryl (Susan Tyrrell) after the opening scene where his parents die in a violent car crash. Aunt Cheryl, who actually turns out to be his psychotic mother, likely killed his adopted parents (her sister and brother in law) by cutting their brake lines. Oh and she also murders his real dad, who's body is still in the basement. She is also deeply in love with Billy and doesn't want him to go off to college.

When aunt Cheryl tries to put the moves on the tv repairman, she kills him when she gets rebuffed, yet says he was trying to rape her. Billy shows up as the murder is going down and the dirty cop thinks Billy is the culprit since A. the tv repair guy was gay B. Billy's basketball coach was the tv repair guy's lover and C. Billy is also probably gay, so therefore: gay love triangle. Side note: a young Bill Paxton plays the shithead bully named Eddie in this movie.

By the end everyone is getting stabbed, hacked, machete'd or shot through the torso and you just sit there going, "well goddamn," muttering to yourself. I did not see that coming. If it wasn't for the constant insane mommy dearest putting drugs in Billy's milk and the corpse and pickled head of the dad in the secret part of the basement this movie felt like it could have been an ABC after school special about everyone being intolerant of gays. But it ends up like some Oedipus serial killer bad cop insanity. More disturbing and demented than scary, a bit over the top for a Halloween season jam. 6 gallons of tainted milk in the fridge out of 10.

Movie Review: Spookies (1987)

the horror continues... 22 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Spookies (1987) on Shudder

Spookies is some straight up campy 80s horror that is either the best underground cult film of all time or the dumbest damn movie you can't believe you sat all the way through depending on your preferences.

The special effects are cheesy, the script ham-fisted, the goofball characters unlikable, yet you feel like it's a movie you and your friends could have made on Super VHS. The whole thing is a hot mess, but you've got to give them credit: this has more monsters per film minute than maybe any horror movie ever. They've got zombies, lots and lots of them. They've got farting dirt mummies, they've got an ancient spider lady, there's some demons, muck-men, a grim reaper statue, reptilian creatures, vampire boy, were-cat dude, a skeleton witch, octopus something something and the old warlock. Maybe more, I can't even remember.

Spookies is just one hard nipple twist away from Saturday the 14th, but it's not necessarily trying to be funny. Recommended if you're into cheese, goofballs, the 1980s, schlocky stuff, B-movies, Michael Jackson's Thriller video, laughing out loud or tripping balls. Not recommended if you want something halfway serious. 5 random ill-advised parties in allegedly abandoned old mansions out of 10.

Movie Review: Entwined (2020)

the horror continues... 23 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Entwined (2020) on Shudder

Entwined is another one of those movies where reviewers think they could have written it better. It's predictable, they say. There's no real surprise or suspense, they go on. It's sluggish and lacking. While they're not exactly wrong, I thought the film was well done, thought provoking and very, very weird, which makes it right up my alley.

It might not be fair to call it horror, but this dark fantasy tale is more suffocating than terrifying. We see a young Greek doctor move his practice to a small Greek town after his dad dies. He encounters a strange, young and beautiful Greek girl in the woods with her father and wants to help her. The townsfolk warn him not to get involved but of course he does it anyway. Pretty soon his entire life is ENTWINED with this mystery girl and the forest, but not in a good way.

I didn't read the reviews before watching it and that probably was for the best. I still thought Entwined was a decent little Halloween season watch and a break from the regular slashers, biters and spookers. 8 more logs on the fire out of 10.

Movie Review: Hellraiser (2022)

the horror continues... 24 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Hellraiser (2022) on Hulu

(SPOILERS?) Hellraiser 2022 (Electric Boogaloo) is clearly a divisive reboot. Any time you're messing with a legendary horror franchise and injecting new blood into it, some core fans are invariably going to cry foul. With that out of the way, I thought it was pretty skin-stretching great. Great to see some familiar faces: sexy lady pinhead (original pinhead's daughter?), lipless teeth chattering guy, the goatse dude (jk), and the rest of the ripped skin torture crew of unearthly cenobites, just a face guy, trying to breathe lady, caught in the wires girl, etc. I really don't have any major gripes, and that's a big win in my book.

But if I had the writer or director's ear, I might ask a few important questions. Firstly, why do cenobites walk so slowly? If you're moving faster than a trot you apparently can just outrun them? Also, I don't remember a whole lot of negotiation going on about who's going to get ripped to shreds in the early films? That seems to be a feature of this reboot, "Wait! I changed my mind! No, this guy!" Lastly, this main character gets to choose a gift at the end and she's all "Nah I see what kind of gifts you give, I want nothing" and they're like "Oh then you have chosen to be sad for a long time." What? Is that supposed to be scary? Depression and regret?

Anyway, as a casual fan I did enjoy the HELL out of this Hellraiser reboot. I especially like the idea that if you're rich enough you can build a cage for these extra-dimensional torture demons. Just don't ever ask them for anything and leave that knife poking puzzle box alone. 8 flaps of skin cut up to make a pair of endless pain overalls out of 10.

Movie Review: The Gate (1987)

the horror continues... 25 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The Gate (1987) on Shudder

For those old enough to remember watching The Gate back in its late 80s heyday, it might stir up some big nostalgia feels, but it shouldn't surprise anyone that it's not quite as mind blowing as the childhood Halloween memory of it.

The premise is straightforward: possibly maybe somehow some heavy metal band's record opened some portal to the demonic realm in this kid's backyard, but we're not 100% sure who or how or why, or what happened. Then it's Poltergeist meets Home Alone until they are magically able to dispatch the horrible beasts and close the gate. As far as 80s movies go, it's a pretty solid 7 demon eyeballs on your palm out of 10, even if the script leaves you with a bag full of questions.

Movie Review: Scare Me (2020)

the horror continues... 29 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Scare Me (2020) on Shudder

I saw a few reviews calling Scare Me a masterpiece. I am not sure what planet those reviewers live on, but it's not near this universe. One of the most "creative" yet still somehow massively boring movies I have had the displeasure of sitting through. This is a movie about people in a cabin in the woods making up stories. That's it. Eating pizza, drinking beer, drinking wine, talking, trying to outwit and scare each other. After the 8th time of telling myself not to turn it off at the hour and a half mark, the plot finally became halfway interesting, then suddenly it was over.

If you're a writer and need inspiration, this might give you something to chew on. If you have a low threshold for entertainment and will sit through anything, you might not be annoyed by this. If you invite random pizza delivery drivers into your house and give them your pizza and cocaine, you'll feel a kinship with these characters but still think this movie sucks. 3 fireplace pokers through your torso out of 10.

Movie Review: Noroi:The Curse (2005)

the horror continues... 30 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Noroi:The Curse (2005) on Shudder

If found footage horror and subtitles over subtitles is your thing, you'll love Noroi: The Curse. This Japanese demonic possession, documentary-style movie really makes the most of the shaky, pixelated footage and the unlimited pigeons they must have in the big city.

It wasn't terrifying but a decently spread out story that keeps you guessing, even if you're a bit tired by the time the ghastly climax arrives. 7 stolen fetuses out of 10.

Movie Review: The Visitor (1979)

the horror continues... 31 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The Visitor (1979) on Shudder

If you looked at the original 1979 movie poster for The Visitor, you might think this movie is about a giant angry eyeball from space with some goblin claws and a bloody garrote, here to slowly kill all humans for some sinister alien reason. You'd be dead wrong though, because this heap of cinema dung is scraping the bottom of the barrel for a premise. Apparently someone thought "hey, Star Wars is popular! What if we cross that with The Exorcist?" but in reality they ended up with an intergalactic Rosemary's Baby meets the most annoying Omen with a bunch of scenes from The Birds thrown in for shits and giggles.

Featuring some of the most abysmal special effects ever put to film, The Visitor has a nonsense script to match, where a cabal of Satanists are pushing the mother of an 8 year old girl named Katy (who is the embodiment of pure evil) to have yet another baby so they can mate the two together to make a 'super Satan'. Katy has a pet hawk named Squeaky who will fly in your car and scratch your damn eyes out. There is an old guy from another planet who shows up to stop this entire thing who reminds me of an Obi Wan Kenobi without the wisdom or lightsaber or any emotions whatsoever.

Anyway, things are way too dumb to describe here in detail but let's just say your mileage may vary if someone tries to call this a cult film. 2 deadly wheelchair lifts out of 10.

Movie Review: Season of the Witch (1973)

the horror continues... 32 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Season of the Witch (1973) on Shudder

With George Romero behind this, I expected more. So much more. Season of the Witch (formerly titled "Jack's Wife" then released as the softcore-with-no-action "Hungry Wives") initially failed to get traction until a re-release after the success of Dawn of the Dead. Shocker. Romero also said in interviews that the film was "not really" a horror film and I'm going to have to agree with him.

It's mostly a look at a bored 70s housewife who turns to witchcraft to make her life interesting. Not sure if she succeeded but it barely moved the needle on this dumpy script. There's a lot of annoying bits in this movie and I'm not just talking about the wallpaper or fashion choices. 5 cats that enter your basement during your satanic ritual that you never noticed out of 10.

Movie Review: Tourist Trap (1979)

the horror continues... 33 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Tourist Trap (1979) on Shudder

Tourist Trap is a full-on cult classic film that should have been up there with Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, except for a few goofy unrealistic bits and some absolutely terrible soundtrack choices. Oh and also the ending. The rest is a pure freakshow starring The Rifleman, Chuck Conners as the big psychopath owner of a defunct roadside museum.

Despite the violence and mayhem, the movie was rated PG and featured no nudity despite a skinny dipping scene and a gravity defying tube top worn by a young Tanya Roberts.

Like a more demented cross between Carrie, Psycho and Wrong Turn, these hapless teenagers end up in exactly where they shouldn't be: in the crosshairs of a mannequin-obsessed killer with telekinesis and split personalities. Creepy masks and mannequins are already scary, so you have to try pretty hard to mess that up, and of course Tourist Trap manages it anyway. The film finally devolves into an absurd nightmare before an unfortunate ending that still doesn't diminish the rest of its charms. Someone should do a proper reboot of this thing before it's too late. 8 mannequin heads laughing at you out of 10.

Movie Review: Sole Survivor (1984)

the horror continues... 34 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Sole Survivor (1984) on Shudder

Sole Survivor is a little Twilight Zone sort of a Final Destination romp with some zombie action for good measure. While it might take forever to get the horror ball rolling, the payoff at the end is a nice and unexpected twist for a plot-that-kinda-drags 80s movie. TV commercial producer Denise is the only survivor of a horrible plane crash. She comes out of it seemingly without any trauma, but eventually you get the idea that the dead are pissed about it when they start showing up looking for her. This flick made me nostalgic for the 1980s, but also for more engaging stories and scarier movies. A decent watch for the Halloween season though. 6 random teenage strip poker parties out of 10.

Movie Review: Mad God (2021)

the horror continues... 35 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Mad God (2021) on Shudder

Not sure where to start with Mad God. Kind of like what might happen if Tool released an 83 minute music video. The opposite of a typical movie experience, more like an extended, stop motion apocalypse nightmare. That makes sense when you consider it's a 30 year long labor of love(?) project by acclaimed master of the stop motion arts, Phil Tippett, who for decades was one of Hollywood's most renowned figures in the art of stop motion and special effects, from Star Wars to Jurassic Park and more.

There's almost a story here, but not really. Most of what happens in this futuristic hellscape is just there to remind you that there is no hope whatsoever. I won't lie, I fell asleep 3 times during the end sequence of colored lights and whatever, but each time I went back and rewatched what I had missed. I don't think I needed to, but I'm guessing an actual plot was never the point. Super bad ass if you're into hellish stop animation, but probably not something your mom will ever understand. 7 ugly monsters with giant tits for balls out of 10.

Movie Review: Bloodthirsty (2021)

the horror continues... 36 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Bloodthirsty (2021) on Shudder

(SPOILERS?): Man, I have seen a few terrible movies in my day, but this Canadian werewolf schlock they call Bloodthirsty is absolutely abysmal. I was intrigued by the RottenTomatoes disparity between 80% favorable reviews from critics and 28% favorable audience scores. What do the critics know that the audience doesn't? Nothing as far as I could tell.

Grey is a heavily medicated pop singer who has hallucinations that she is turning into an animal. Her management sends her and her girlfriend off to a secluded home studio to work on her sophomore album with a creepy producer named Vaughn who was acquitted of killing one of his artists a few years ago.

Flash forward through a bunch of predictable and boring plot points, messy murders and bits and pieces of sad pop songs and it turns out they are both lycanthropes, except nobody cares. Vaughn thinks Grey is his lost lover or something, I don't remember already. I could barely muster the energy to bring you this sad review. 2 dreams about eating meat out of 10.

Movie Review: Cemetery of Terror (1985)

the horror continues... 37 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Cemetery of Terror (1985) on Shudder

I loved this movie. Not that it's a great horror movie, but it's a 1985 Mexican throwback with extra cheese, like watching Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' video with a little bit more storyline. It's also in Spanish, so you get to practice those language skills.

On Halloween night, three medical students (also teenage horndogs) lie to their girlfriends about a rock concert and "jet set" party at some mansion just to get them to come out. They bring many bags of snacks and drinks (including vast quantities of 1985's Pepsi Free) but the mansion is actually an abandoned house next to a cemetery. The girls are pissed and start sulking instead of making out. The lead horndog explores the attic and finds a big black book, which appears to be filled with satanic spells. He tells his brochachos if they REALLY scare the girls, they'll fall right into their arms. So he does what any of us would do in that situation: drive everyone in the hatchback to the morgue, sneak in the back door and steal the biggest and ugliest corpse you can find, bring it to the cemetery to try to raise it from the dead.

Well things don't go as planned, since the corpse they steal is actually serial killer Devlon who is also some kind of demonic spirit. A violent rainstorm kicks up in the middle of their ritual and they abandon the idea and the body and head back to the house to do some heavy petting. Devlon shows up in short order and makes quick work of the murdering kind.

There are also a bunch of Halloween-loving kids in the cemetery and they just happen to run into Devlon and the teenagers bodies in the house before running back to the cemetery where every single corpse starts popping out of the ground for no apparent reason. From there it's one bad decision after another and endless running from zombies. If you factor in the continuity errors and knuckleheaded plot snafus you've got unintentional comedy gold, which is not exactly frightening but at least entertaining. 6 cans of Pepsi Free glowing by the light of the fire out of 10.

Movie Review: Boys from County Hell (2020)

the horror continues... 38 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Boys from County Hell (2020) on Shudder

Boys from County Hill is a "fun" Irish vampire movie with accents so thick it requires your captions be turned on. If you know me, you know that I'm generally not a fan of comedy in my horror and this comedy / horror could have been an epic horror masterpiece if they just laid off the lame jokes.

In the small Irish town of Six Mile Hill, Eugene, his Da (Irish for Dad) and friends are tasked with building a new road through some old Irish farm, which may or may not be where Bram Stoker stayed once and heard a local legend that may or may not have inspired his famous Dracula story. Naturally the construction efforts awaken the ancient Abhartach vampire and hilarity ensues.

I'm not saying it's not a decent movie, it has its charms. But I do think you should pick a side: a comedy movie OR a horror movie. Unless I'm watching Evil Dead, I am here for the scares. The frivolity and goofy bits diminish those scares. You spent a bunch of money to craft a decent backstory, some really nice effects and a convincing vampire, but you slapped a bunch of unfunny gags, giggles and corny music all up in it. On top of that, the climax of the movie is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen. Maybe it's an Irish thing? 6 nostrils oozing a steady stream of blood out of 10.

Movie Review: Raven's Hollow (2022)

the horror continues... 39 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Raven's Hollow (2022) on Shudder

Raven's Hollow is some sort of attempt at a prequel to Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven.' The film had a lot of potential despite a wooden performance from William Moseley as the young Edgar Allen Poe. These are offset by great acting by Kate Dickie as Elizabet and David Hayman as Dr Garrett.

The story and pacing were pretty strong, the creep factor was decent, but the ending was a bit of a dud. Lots of callbacks to other Poe works that will make some fans very happy. Still a good and moody period piece, and not a bad Halloween season watch. 7 drops of opium out of 10.

Movie Review: You Are Not My Mother (2021)

the horror continues... 40 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: You Are Not My Mother (2021) on Hulu

You Are Not My Mother is a decent little horror movie set in Ireland during Samhain. While not as pulse pounding as a lot of new horror, I found it pretty spooky and enjoyable.

Char's Mom Angela goes missing and when she mysteriously returns, she seems a little off. Things start getting weirder and darker until we find out the horrible truth. 8 lithium pills out of 10.

Movie Review: The Innocents (2021)

the horror continues... 41 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The Innocents (2021) on Shudder

The Innocents is a disturbing Norwegian film that makes you wonder what kids are really doing when the parents are not around. The movie also features some unfortunate and upsetting animal abuse early on that almost had me turning it off completely. I am glad I didn't though, because The Innocents was shockingly good and maybe the most compelling film I've seen in years.

Almost all of the focus is on a group of children living in the same apartment complex who have latent supernatural powers. What seems like harmless fun at first turns horrifying and deadly. It had shades of Stephen King's "Carrie." Extra bonus points for the severely autistic character being shown in a transformative story arc. You simply don't see that very often in film.

The Innocents was terrifying but also deeply moving, the kind of film that sticks with you for days. 9 pieces of broken glass in your shoe out of 10.

Movie Review: The Last Thing Mary Saw (2021)

the horror continues... 42 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The Last Thing Mary Saw (2021) on Shudder

The Last Thing Mary Saw was light on the scares but thick with creepy atmosphere and uncomfortable tension. Set in a New England Puritan community in 1843, it's a tale of forbidden love between *gasp* two young girls. The absurdly religious family repeatedly punish the girls, to no avail. The father thinks it's his fault, the mom wants more punishment and grandma is a terrifying old crone. The girls hatch a plan that brings terrible consequences.

I really enjoyed this story, the performances and the pacing. A little spooky tale for Halloween season, just without all the blood and whistles. 8 cups of poisoned tea out of 10.

Movie Review: Jakob's Wife (2021)

the horror continues... 43 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Jakob's Wife (2021) on Shudder

(SPOILERS?): Jakob's Wife had all the makings of a wickedly great vampire flick, but it tripped and slid right through the blood and into a cheese factory of dumb. I was absolutely onboard with the story of this unfulfilled minister's wife Annie (played by horror legend Barbara Crampton) turning all vampire in her late to mid-life crisis until the halfway point, when things got unbelievable and campy. Like a death knell for any actual remaining scares, the corny moments slapped everything serious around with a big white rubber glove, causing a grimace or a groan. Not to say it didn't try to redeem itself, the movie overall wasn't exactly terrible, I just prefer not to mix my fancy steak dinner with a side of jumbo corn dogs.

The point where the vampire is endlessly bickering with her minister husband and they end up getting it on? Nah. Or when he gives her a joint to help with her blood thirst? Corny. To make matters worse, the movie ends with one of the most terrible outro songs in the history of cinema, a song called "Church" by a band called Kitten. Yuck. I feel bad. I mean, do you want me to laugh while you wink at me or should I be creeped out? Boo on Rotten Tomatoes for not putting the "comedy" tag on this. I'm seeing a lot of reviews online that said they didn't even finish it. Shocker. Side note: some dude named CM Punk is in this for like 3 minutes. 6 bags of supermarket meat department blood out of 10.

Movie Review: Gwen (2018)

the horror continues... 44 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: Gwen (2018) on Shudder

Gwen is a British period folk horror drama and about as depressing and bleak as a film can get. Gwen and her sister Mary live with their mother in the greyest and foggiest corner of North Wales. Dad is gone, neighbors die of cholera, Mom gets sick, animals start getting murdered, the quarry people want to take the farm away, etc etc, and that's the good news. The bad news is things are going to get worse for Gwen and little Mary. I'm not sure I really appreciated this movie, although I'm generally a sucker for period pieces. More or less borderline horror with a slew of incredibly unfortunate dramatic events that leaves you feeling like complete shit before the bitter end. Then you're glad it's over with. Anyway, fairly well done for a grim atmospheric period piece. 6 rats in your hen house out of 10.

Movie Review: The Sadness (2021)

the horror continues... 45 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: The Sadness (2021) on Shudder

The Sadness is the kind of movie your mother warned you about. A terrifying nightmare of a film, where a pandemic flu virus mutates and turns a portion of a Taiwanese city into sex crazed, demented murderers, like a blood-soaked porn version of 28 Days Later. On top of that disturbing premise, add in the realistic and most gruesome gore you can legally get away with in 2021.

Despite all the carnage and excessive blood, the story is solid and the movie engaging throughout with a young couple trying to reunite in the middle of absolute hellish chaos. The writers even find time to throw in some political commentary on the real world pandemic towards the end. The Sadness is wrong on several levels, but a great Halloween season scare if you can stomach the high levels of nasty body horror and maniacal slaughtering and raping and the like. 9 infected babies in the waste bin out of 10.

Movie Review: We Are Still Here (2015)

the horror continues... 46 nights till Halloween!
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tonight's feature: We Are Still Here (2015) on Prime

Put on your gore pants because We Are Still Here is 110% more blood spurty than it needed to be, but more fun than a barrel of charred angry spirits.

It's 1979 and Anne and Paul Sacchetti move out to the sticks to help grieve their son Bobby, who died in a crash. Anne thinks all the weird thumping sounds, falling objects and paranormal weirdness is Bobby still trying to hang around, but things are much much worse than that. Some freaky weird neighbors drop by to say hello and just casually mention the house used to be a funeral home and the previous owners, the Dagmar family, were run out of town for selling bodies and burying empty caskets. But not just that, a little handwritten warning to GET OUT and an even darker backstory. Pretty solid setup, but after the hippy spiritualist friends come over for a seance things go from generally bizarre to blood squirting, murdering gruesome.

We Are Still Here is a damn fine Halloween season freakshow, even if it leaves you hanging a bit at the end. 8.5 death stares in the only local restaurant in town out of 10.