Thursday, March 28, 2013

whiskey is the drink of choice for bodyguards

this morning's grand dream(s)

i was watching a tv show. it was a weird "desperate housewives" type of drama about 4 sex crazed neighbors (three ladies and a guy, all married) who got their rocks off watching each other masturbate. of course i wasn't aware of this at first. the guy was basically stalking and using  binoculars and ended up outside a window or sneaking on the house while his neighbor had her private time. eventually each neighbor somehow got involved and caught each other but instead of surprise or outrage, they laughed and crawled under the blankets together. "seems a bit racy for prime-time" i said to myself.

next i'm in a wood paneled series of rooms before a big party. it feels like the 1960s but the decor and clothing look more like the 1930s. i'm being led around and shown all the art and posters on the walls by my hostess and apparently new best friend (we'll call her Maude) who looks like an even more curvy and voluptuous marilyn monroe. she's wearing a sparkly evening gown with a long jacket over the top, with puffs of fur around the sleeves and neck. i'm excited to be at the party and amazed at the cool statues and old timey furniture but i feel underdressed because i'm from the future. she assures me this is not a problem and laughs as the guests begin to arrive.

guests roll in, celebrity after celebrity, camera flashes going off and posing for pictures, except i have no idea who these people are. all of them are introduced to me by maude. they seem to be interested in asking me about the future but maude keeps dragging me away to meet another one. after a while i realize some of the guests aren't celebrities or press but actual old school gangsters. they have a different look. they're all chain smoking and they all have the same type of hat.

eventually the party kicks into high gear and the main doors appear and are opened. there is a large ballroom with two floors, the upper floor with stairs leading up on each side, everything is stained wood. there are people everywhere, drinking and smoking and looking like dick tracy or betty boop. music seems to be playing and it sounds oldey timey. i think people are dancing downstairs.

maude leads me over to meet her 'man', who looks like another older gangster and who is appropriately named Don. don welcomes me and we clink our drinks together.

eventually i make my way over to a crowded corner of the upstairs. there are stacks and stacks of old comics and magazines, everything in near mint condition. old toys, action figures, an amazing array of incredible items and my eyes go wide. when i say old, i mean brand new, because i'm somewhere in the past. i tell don he should let me take some of these to the future to sell them, but he says "if it were only that easy". then i saw a signed comic by an r. crumb type of artist. when i inquire, i am told the r. crumb artist is actually there at the party and promoting his new line of comics. i want to get a signed copy but i need some air. so i head outside.

out behind the building i realize we are on the end of a wharf. there is a parking garage attached to the side opposite the water. part of the ballroom upper floor includes a deck over the water. i see a row of limos and some gangsters standing around and end up in a conversation with one. eventually he says, "whiskey?"
"sure", i say, as he pours me a glass full.
"whiskey is the drink of choice for bodyguards." he says before downing his glass. the others start to chuckle. somehow i realize by bodyguards he meant assassins and i take my drink down in big gulps.

they get caught up in a conversation and i walk towards the water, i see a dark shape moving towards the men. as it gets closer to the surface i can see it's a man in scuba gear with a harpoon gun. before i can alert the gangsters he shoots one of them with the harpoon and they return some bullets. but it all ends as a big net drops down and wraps him up.

now people are yelling and running. i can't see any cops but i know the party was busted. i'm running back in to find maude and don but i wake up.

i know there was a lot more to the dream but this was all i scribbled in the notebook.

the end?

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

fish in the garage, floating house trailer

latest dream: was trying to get back to the garage of a high school friend (who we'll call skeeter). skeeter had little aquariums with fish and frogs on shelves in the back by the work bench. i had some fish there, somehow, that i had forgotten or left behind. i needed to get them for some reason. it was life or death.

flash forward. i'm giving a presentation on some  university campus. i'm outside near the bicycle parking. people are gathered around and i am trying to finish quickly because i need to get the fish in my backpack to the garage.

flash forward. i'm in some major home improvement store. i need to get supplies for something and need to get the fish out of my backpack, the container is leaking. jeff martin is there, he insists i take this dust covered book full of record label addresses (which i insist is outdated). but i take it anyway, so he doesn't get angry.

flash forward. i'm in the van and it's after a show. i realize i forgot the fish and check on them, the container is out of water but they are somehow still alive.

flash forward. i'm back in the garage and running to the back. i get the fish into the aquarium but the other fish that i left there look dead. i see his beta's are having a live birth but skeeter is unaware. somehow i accidentally let all the frogs out. i try to catch them but they are everywhere, under the big dark blue van behind me, under the workbench. skeeter tells me not to worry about them.

at some point later i am dreaming another dream. it's night time, we're in the middle of a grassy field with a small river winding through it. there is one spotlight off to the left. hundreds of old people are gathered around and barb and i are mixed in there.

suddenly there is a house trailer floating above the opposite side of the river. a small rope ladder leads up to a door. everyone starts clamoring to get on the ladder. i'm being pushed and pulled from both directions and i start yelling and throwing punches. whoever is at the front can't get the door open and the house trailer floats back and the ladder breaks, but it doesn't fall. i have to turn the ladder into a metal staircase using my mind but first everyone has to get back on the ground. this seems to take forever.

the end?

Sunday, March 24, 2013

bot fly larvae & cough medicine

i've been sick as a dog for the past week. then i had this dream this morning.

i was in a kitchen that was different but similar. i took about twice the normal dose of cough medicine because i was feeling so bad. i went to put the pitcher away and when i looked down at my arm, i saw a little worm sticking straight out of it. it looked like the worms you might see when biting into an apple. i grabbed it and pulled it all the way out. the worm was a dull yellow with a black head. it was dead and stiff as a board. on the butt end of it was a clear plastic looking wrap, covering a string of identically round piles of worm dook. about 8 of them. the hole in my arm where the worm had been was pink and deep.

when i went to throw the thing in the trash, i looked at my other arm and there were about 20 of them. all sticking up and out. then i checked under my shirt and there were more. some had been squished when they came out. i was in a mild panic, trying to get to them all. they were starting to fall on teh floor. i knew that the cough medicine had been too much for them. i also knew they were bot flies who never matured but continued to live under my skin after our trip to the amazon.

barb came home but as soon as i tried to tell her about it she held up her hand in my face. "gross! don't even talk about it" the end?

this vide captures how i have been feeling on cough medicine

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Orange Goblin - A Eulogy for the Fans Review

wrote this for my bros at the Soda Shop. check them out.

M:CAD DrawingsDelgaDelga standard templatesBookletsCD_DPS1 by Steve Janiak
Recorded live at Bloodstock Open Air Festival in 2012, A Eulogy For The Fans is Orange Goblin’s first crack at a live album, and they do not disappoint. The warts-and-all approach suits these hell-raising English lads: it kicks off at full steam, cranked to 11, and rarely lets up. Make no mistake: this is the sound of getting your ass kicked.

Orange Goblin are the bastard children of Motörhead and Black Sabbath, with satisfying, reptilian-brain riffs and powerful, caveman wails from “Big” Ben Ward. With less of a nod to their more drug-induced, psychedelic past, A Eulogy For The Fans steamrolls through pile driver after pile driver, with two thirds of the album coming from the three previous records; Eulogy for the Damned(2012), Healing Through Fire(2007), and Thieving from the House of God(2004).

 Only two songs in, it already feels like a week-long coke binge, driving  top speed on the autobahn, passing locomotives in a blur and flying over the edge into a Valhalla of heavy metal fire. “I feel like I’m losing my mind!” Ward screams in “Ballad of Solomon Eagle.” Indeed, it feels like we’re locked together in a padded cell and our only salvation is more blistering heavy metal.

By the time I get to the classic “Time Traveling Blues,” the title track from their 1999 album, I’m transported back in time to Orange Goblin’s younger days, when their southern rock roots were shamelessly (and gloriously) on display. The only song on the entire disc with a laid back, relaxed groove, this song shows the depth that lurks under the bombast of the live Orange Goblin experience.

The carnage picks back up with “Some You Win, Some You Lose.” At some point it dawns on me that Orange Goblin have been a ‘one guitar band’ for close to 10 years, but not a drop of rock and roll fury has been left behind. Joe Hoare (guitars) and Martyn Millard (bass) fill the nooks and crannies between the big riffs like crazed Renaissance masters, while drummer Chris Turner deftly keeps the insanity on an even keel. These chaps have been doing it for quite a while now and the chemistry is thick and palpable.

Other highlights include the excellent lumbering doom of “The Fog” and the manic tension of “Acid Trial,” with its’ spooky refrain: “Nothing is Real!”

Eventually I get to the sweet dessert of the platter, the unforgettable OG of OG: “Blue Snow,” (from Time Traveling Blues) followed by “Quincy the Pigboy” and “Scorpionica” (both from the 2000 masterpiece The Big Black). While the latter two may be a bit rougher around the edges in terms of vocals, the effortless energy never wavers. The beast that is Orange Goblin came and conquered another stage and another crowd, only this time there is a live record to prove it. Well done, gentlemen.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Braco's Earth Walker

Had a dream I went to a retreat in the woods. The guest speaker was Braco the gazer, the Croatian healer guy. There was a mess of Grateful Dead chicks and granola bearded dudes everywhere. Braco was taking questions for a while (and speaking English) and I got bored and went to check out the food selection. They had a coffee shop looking counter and wall built into a giant tree. On a blackboard behind was the menu. I’m still deciding and Braco comes around the corner. Apparently they let him go get his food before the masses but I’m already there. I asked him some trivial question and we talked for a minute. Then he ordered his food and I said I would have the same. They served us what looked like a giant earth turd inside a huge dark green leaf. Like an Odwalla bar made out of dirt and roots. Allegedly it was really good for us.

After we ate, he motioned for me to follow him. He walked through the crowd and we passed some weird, pastel polo shirt wearing, preppy dudes. They looked like they just stepped out of an 80’s movie with the feathered hair and the whole bit. A dude saw me and asked “Is that really Peyton Manning?”
“How the f***would I know?” I said. I looked over and saw the back of what looked like Peyton Manning’s head, he was sitting at a table with someone who looked like Eli Manning, munching away on some granola or something.
The preppy guy then says, “What is the deal with this food?”
I replied, “It’s food for hippies, man. I heard they even wear sandals in the summertime, hahaha,” before walking off.

 I followed Braco to some private area, and he told me they had been expecting me. He went on to say that he needed me to be his ‘Earth Walker’ and I needed to spread the healing. But I was also required to sell these wooden tv cabinets that were self-dusting. The self-dusting part only worked if you convinced the buyer they worked, because it was the belief itself that scientifically kept a protective, anti-dust energy field around the wood. This field also prevented rot and mold. I was on my knees in the grass, wiping dust off this cabinet, thinking that I wasn’t going to be able to convince anyone. I couldn’t wait to tell Jeff Martin so he could make fun of me. There was supposed to be more, but someone woke me up. The end?

Friday, March 8, 2013


In this episode: BACKWOODS PAYBACK (West Chester, PA) & SO SAYETH (Muncie, IN) plus: McCash vs. corn nut, Corey eats a fishy snack.

SO SAYETH will be at Berlin Music Pub in Fort Wayne TONIGHT (Friday March 8th, 2013) and Radio Radio, Indianapolis on Friday April 12th.

BACKWOODS PAYBACK will be at Indy's Jukebox, Indianapolis on MONDAY MARCH 11th 2013... so be sure to support these bands!