Movie Review: Let the Right One In (2008)

tonight's feature: Let the Right One In (2008)
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it doesn't really seem fair to lump Let the Right One In into horror movie month shenanigans, but it IS classified as Drama, Horror, and Romance. this Swedish masterpiece (SUBTITLE ALERT!) about a troubled kid and his secret vampire 'girlfriend' is one of the most engaging films i've ever seen. i'm not overly into vampire stories by any means, but this one knocked it out of the park. i'm only bummed out that it ended. 10 grumbly vampire stomachs out of 10.

$977 jackpot!

had a dream we were at the casino and some grade school friends were there. i won $977 on a cloud themed slot machine. was stoked until i saw the sign on the side that said "do not play this machine" with some of the buttons covered in black tape. i cashed out a voucher and it looked like a check. we took it to the cashier's window and they told me that machine gives out vouchers that only buy beer for san diego police officers. what?

Movie Review: Saint Maud (2019)

tonight's feature: Saint Maud (2019)
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Saint Maud is not a bad film, but i live in a fast-paced, instant gratification world. i feel like i need to be scared out of my underoos every few minutes. or maybe it just seems that way after 6 cups of coffee.

what Saint Maud lacks in gratuitous excitement, it carefully builds in creepy atmosphere and anticipation, with the drastic, dramatic payoff at the end. if you had no idea that catholics had issues, you might find this film more shocking than most. i really liked the cinematography and characters but i still wanted more. so i'm going to give it 7 confused, young, self-torturing nurses out of 10.

Movie Review: City of the Living Dead (1980)

tonight's feature: City of the Living Dead (1980)
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not exactly sure what to say about this film. i appreciate City of the Living Dead (aka The Gates of Hell) the same way i appreciate paul stanley's stage banter. it can be very entertaining, even iconic, but also very terrible at the same time.... and i definitely don't need to experience it every day.

the story is a mess, the acting is stiff, the dialogue was confusing... but the gore was amusing, even more so because parts of the film were considered so gruesome they were banned in the early days. one angry dad threw the town troublemaker down and put a giant spinning drill bit through his skull. was it related to the zombies taking over the town? nah. fit in the general plot? i don't think so? yet my mind kept wandering so much i thought i was trying to meditate.

still, nothing exists in a vacuum, and this film was probably inspired by many films and in turn probably inspired a ton of other films. so for that, i'll give it 6 girls puking out their entire intestines out of 10.

mostly i am sad i spent 20 minutes trying to find the Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat review of City of the Living Dead which was posted years ago on their website spiritualityandpractice.com, where they gave it a sparkling zero out of 5 stars.

Movie Review: Malignant (2021)

tonight's feature: Malignant (2021)
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full disclosure: i watched the first 1/3 of this movie and had to take a break. when i came back to finish it i was already in disappointed mode. the movie felt kind of paint-by-numbers and i was already pre-judging the outcome. and then, just past the halfway point, i was completely back in it and absorbed in the story. it was like a football team that rallied after halftime. it completely redeemed the movie for me. i don't make movies or pretend to, but i've seen a lot of bad and average movies. Malignant rides a narrow blade between 'great' and 'lame' and most people will fall on one side or the other. after "getting it" a lot more made sense to me and i had to go back and rewatch parts of it. so i'm going to have to give this flick and the shocking plot twist my full endorsement. (without giving it away, obviously). if i knew all the details going in, i would probably have felt differently, but i'm going to give Malignant 8.5 teratomas out of 10.

Movie Review: Possessor (2020)

tonight's feature: Possessor (2020)
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Possessor is a powerfully dark and sinister film, or as the Guardian put it "an ultra-violent sci-fi-horror freak-out". Lots of disturbing stuff here: surveillance state, mind control, secret corporations doing secret corporate assassinations, Sean Bean(!), etc. Andrea Riseborough ("Mandy") is excellent here as body snatching murderer Tasya Vos. Possessor definitely lives up to the hype. 9 brain implants out of 10.

Movie Review: Bad Moon (1996)

tonight's feature: Bad Moon (1996)
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Half man. Half wolf. 1/4 the terror, some terrible dialogue, but actually not a terrible flick. Bad Moon is based on the book "Thor" which tells a werewolf story from the perspective of a German shepherd. So the movie has a lot of dog acting, which I can appreciate. (Who's a good boy??) Mariel Hemingway and that kid who played Dennis the Menace are just trying to live their 1990s lives in their wooded paradise with their doggo, Thor. Until Uncle Ted returns from his travels abroad with his Airstream and a terrible secret. Uncle Ted also busts up the mythology of werewolves: they turn at 'any' moon, not just a full moon, and you don't need a silver bullet to kill them. Sure, Uncle Ted. The visual effects seemed more 80s than 90s, but I'm not barking mad about it. I won't ruin the plot but it does feel like the screenwriters ran out of gas in the story department somewhere along the line. Whatever. Just give that dog a treat because he's carrying the entire film. I'll give it 7 doggie chew toys out of 10, because I'm feeling generous and filled with the holiday spirit.

Movie Review: Triangle (2009)

tonight's feature: Triangle (2009)
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well i didn't see that coming. feels like a low-budget slow burn. while not scary in the typical slasher sense, Triangle pays off in the end because the filmmakers stick to the demented theme so well. 7.5 creepy sailing trips out of 10.