Wednesday, December 6, 2017

dream: big jackpot win!

had a dream i won a huge $223,000 jackpot on a fire themed slot machine. instead of a hand pay, the machine gave me a cashout ticket. so i was walking around, telling myself it was real and not a dream, and that i just had to hurry and take it to a cashier window. but somehow we ended up at a party and doing other things. by the end everyone was wearing costumes and i had put on a large wedding dress with lots of ruffles. these ruffles picked up many bunches of grapes for no reason whatsoever as i walked through this large party. we stopped to pick the grapes out of my dress and then i finally woke up. what?

Friday, August 25, 2017

Herbert Hootenanny Poole


there's a show in some far off location on a weeknight. a handful of people from the past came out and there was minor drama. after the show my wife and i left and drove to our home in the country. off in the distance i can see some contraption flying down the road with three people on it, all wearing bright blue suits. it looks like a child's swingset with some straps and wheels, but it's a new olympic-sport-related riding machine. two of the people are on the left side, one hanging upside down with their head near the road's surface. the other person is on the left, for balance. i make a comment about how weird it looks and my wife turns our corn-glider (sort of a cross between a landspeeder and a bobsled) hard left into an empty corn field and we pick up speed. apparently she has also been training for corn-gliding in the next olympics. we're zipping all around and she's talking nonchalantly about this or that. eventually we see something in the distance and we slow down. i jump out and see what looks like a hyena with glowing eyes across the field. before i can do anything it's right up next to me and the face morphs into a strange alien face. he says his name is herbert hootenanny poole, not of this earth... and he's here to make a film about himself, which i am already starring in. the film is also called herbert hootenanny poole, not of this earth.

i woke up before it got any weirder

the end?

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

blacked out - little kings - bus crash - alternate realities

weirdest dream this morning:

the bands are playing a show at some event. there is a huge white room with red curtains and giant white columns scattered around. the stage is huge. we don't play for a while so i sit at what looks like a giant video game and start drinking some Little Kings. after a while of goofing off and drinking, things get fuzzy. at a certain point i realize that everyone is carrying equipment off the stage. no one is talking to me. the show is definitely over, the crowd is leaving. it finally occurs to me that i blacked out through BOTH sets with two different bands. i start asking what happened, but no one wants to speak to me. some of the guys are shaking their heads at me. chad slams a door in my face. finally chuck tells me "it was pretty bad. missing cues, bad notes, you forgot all the lyrics, you name it. it was kinda funny tho." as everyone is loading up vehicles, a kid and his girlfriend come around and ask for an autograph or something, but they are laughing. he had recorded some video and i ask him to send it to me. we get into the bus and it's my turn to drive. i start driving and we get up on the highway. i am trying to watch the video to see how bad the show was, and i'm having a very hard time staying straight on the road. the guys are too pissed to notice me swerving. this goes on for a while even though i can't make out much on the video. i'm looking at it again as we come around a big curve and i realize we are about 100 feet in the air on an overpass, and i'm heading for the left guardrail, i yank the steering wheel too hard and we shift hard right, the bus tips sideways and we slide right over the right guardrail into the abyss. i scream out "whaaaaaaaaat" and jolt out from my sleep. i think to myself 'what the hell?' and try to make a mental note to remember this crazy dream. as i'm laying there planning to get up, i fall right back asleep into the same dream.

we are somewhere else now, everyone is together. i can't remember where or why or what we're doing.  i'm still asking about the show that i don't remember. 'except it was only a dream' i think to myself. that's when things start to get weird. as i am relieved that it's just a dream, i try to explain to the guys that 'this' is a dream. but they're having none of it. they slowly convince me that it's not a dream after all, it did happen, we are really sitting there talking. eventually, i say "i think i'm caught in two alternate realities!" but that's rejected outright. i slowly forget about the alternate reality guy sleeping in bed. i go right back to being upset about blacking out and start talking about quitting drinking for good. this goes on for what feels like forever, and then i wake up.


Sunday, June 18, 2017

giant mexican farmhouse - casino in the clouds dream come true - trump & dave mustaine


the dream starts where i'm working in a dark warehouse. big racks of stuff and a forklift. there are skids of furniture and machines and giant scraps of metal. i end up 20 feet up trying to find something and i fall backwards but catch myself on a thin wire railing.

the warehouse is attached to a giant farmhouse. we end up inside and there are many details i can't remember here, asking off work, getting in trouble with the boss, trying not to get fired. 

the house is somewhere in texas and is owned by some super rich mexican american with political ties. he has enemies and ends up dead, but the many workers in the house keep busy and act like they don't notice.

eventually my wife and i are in a small mexican restaurant somewhere inside by the kitchen. we start exploring the house after our meal and we can't believe how big the place is. (i'm pretty sure it's growing larger as we go into each room). we decide to find our way back out and open a door expecting stairs, but instead find a small room with a green rocket-looking contraption, kind of like a pointy tardis. it has a full size door on one side with a window and is probably 10 feet tall. of course i decided to get inside the thing, despite my wife's protests. there is a little room inside with light green, fitted velvet cushions on the walls and ceilings. i convince her to step inside. as soon as we shut the door it starts flying straight up, out of the giant farmhouse and into the sky. luckily i have seen willy wonka so i am not panicked. out the window is pure blue sky as we zoom up and up past the clouds. 

the elevator finally stops and the door opens. we're in a staging room off the side of a casino in the clouds. at this point i realize i have had a previous vivid dream about this casino and i start to freak out. the carpets are a dark red with ornate patterns, the walls have red curtains and the ceiling is red with sparkly lights. most of the machines and tables are red. i am retelling my wife the story of the previous dream and how i can't believe we are there. i tell her in the back is a special room behind some windows with the new spider man slot machines. we walk to the back and there it is. pretty soon we are in that room and i'm trying to remember what happened in the end of the first dream. i tell her, "i THINK i played the spider man game but i couldn't figure it out." all of the spider man games are occupied at this point so we play some other games and wait. i get up occasionally and walk around, marveling at all the details and how the other dream was so accurate. at some point i am carrying around a bunch of old heavy metal Rip magazines, for no reason. finally four people get up from a row of the spider man games and i briskly walk over and take one of the chairs in my hand. some woman in the next seat slides onto that chair and pats the open chair with her hand, motioning for her husband to sit down. this really pisses me off so without thinking, i blurt out "well have fun, bitch" and her 'husband' who looks like a 90 year old, wrinkled meth addict, takes a swing and almost connects with my cheek. there is a small scuffle as i shove him off, and the slot attendant comes over to scold me. i tell her they should have a sign up sheet, i was there waiting forever. "fuck this". i walk back to the corner where i left my pile of Rip magazines and now some dude is trying to claim they are his. "sorry bro"

things calm down and we decide to split. we end up following this small latina lady into a different room on the ground floor. inside that room is donald trump. she introduces us and leaves. i decide not to tell him how much i hate him, so i immediately start telling him the dream story about the slot machines and the casino in the clouds. i'm still reeling over how strange it was and he's looking at his phone and his watch, not listening to me at all. we hastily make our exit. 

at some point the guys from my bands show up. we're in a room upstairs talking about this or that when dave mustaine walks in wearing a white button-up dress shirt. everyone is amazed until dave asks "who wants to do some lines?" nobody says a word. i finally respond with "i guess i could do a line." he puts me in a headlock and i say "as long as you don't make me listen to megadeth." the rest of the guys groan and start defending megadeth as this amazing band, so i have to assure them i am kidding. 

i follow dave up another flight of stairs to a small room with a bunk bed. he throws a bag on top of the bunk and tells me "this is where i stay when my wife's not around". we go up yet another staircase and end up in a small bar on the roof. there is an older lady drinking a cocktail on the right side of the bar, and a row of people around the other side and back. the room is full of drunken chatter. the bartender recognizes dave and he introduces me. they shoot the shit while i stand there. i start trying to tell him about the casino dream that came true and how amazing it was, and he finally says "who's drink is that?" i look down and there's a half-full cocktail sitting on the bar where the woman had been standing. "i have no idea?" i reply. "take it, let's get out of here" he demands. so i grab the drink and we head back downstairs. that was so weird i woke up.


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

ripple music fest - wicker basket black metal - mafia drug lord dudes

Today's weird dream:

At a Big Ripple Music fest, there's some huge underground hype black metal duo who wouldn't shake my hand. Lead singer wore a huge wicker basket as his stagewear, only his arms sticking out. They brought a 6 foot stage with them and were up against the ceiling, really dumb. The room was packed until about 4 songs in, when they started clean singing. Later it turned out that some of the stagehands were mafia drug lord dudes. They threatened to kill everyone, but I think I was the only one who knew. Our band brought a sweet sprinter with a refrigerated "chill room" in the back, but everyone partied in the mafia dudes van. It was a massive tour bus that was all black with Night Rider moving lights in the front and back. There was some ex-girlfriend there trying to piss me off, and her kid had stolen my remote controlled car, but I still had the remote. It had a GoPro on it. I was in the process of using it to find out when the mafia dudes were going to kill everyone when I woke up. What?

Friday, May 19, 2017

worst show of my life - ran a stop sign - russian spies


i'm at some crazy venue in some weird small town. i think mona runs the place. at what feels like the last minute, i'm asked to join this KISS tribute band promoted by nikki sixx's radio show. there are several dudes on the stage dressed as KISS members, and Tufty Clough is up there also. the audience of roughly 16 people is sitting in what looks like a tall set of blue bleachers, kind of like sea world. 

i come down from the crowd and nikki sixx hands me a white fender bass guitar with an animal print on the pickguard. i try to put it on but the fuzzy guitar strap is set for a left handed player. the show is put on hold while i take the bass guitar and strap up to some technician who is running sound. the band starts milling around and talking to each other while nikki sixx tries to keep the crowd momentum up by yapping non-stop. everyone is waiting and waiting. at this point 10-15 minutes have gone by and i decide i don't want to get up there at all as i am not prepared whatsoever. nikki sixx is getting pissed. he starts berating me over the PA system. i start yelling back and say i'm going to leave. tufty says he's going to leave if i leave. more yelling back and forth between nikki sixx, the band and me. i look over and the guy who is supposed to be fixing my guitar strap is playing on the internet on his laptop. i leave and drink a beer. finally i come back, the show is cancelled. everyone is angry at me about it and i tell someone this was the worst show of my life.

later in the dream, i am still mad about this fiasco, but i'm driving around in what feels like my first car, a 1980 oldsmobile cutlass brougham. i'm still in this small town and it's daylight. i come to a stop sign but i just tap on the breaks and keep going. then i make a huge U-turn and BOOM there's a cop on my ass with his lights on. busted. 

i wake up.

in another later dream, the band is all russian spies. we're on the road with this rental van and need drop it off and go home. but the rental company calls us and says we should go to a different location. this turns out to be american FBI agents and we figure it out at the last minute. then we spend the next few days trying to discern which rental car place is not infiltrated by FBI. i can't remember the rest.

the end?


Thursday, May 18, 2017

spindly legs ride - mansion party - girl with a birdcage dress


we were at some weird lodge in some foreign country. there was a crazy 'ride' type of experience but you had to pay in quarters at a machine to get in. once we paid, we went up about 200 feet to a small room above a huge spire. at the top were many segmented black 'legs' that reached down to the ground. you grabbed onto them and swung out over the expanse like you were flying. we did it for a while and it was amazing. later we wanted to go back up. we were down at the bottom near the money machines. i walked over and some old man had left a ton of money lying on the thing. i scooped it up like it was mine and started inserting my coins, looking forward to swinging again on the spindly legs. i was trying to find a place to count them money when my wife woke me up and told me chris cornell was dead. i tried to go back to the dream but i couldn't. i drifted off.

later i was hosting a party in a mansion. there were multiple levels to the house, and multiple bands playing in many rooms, with people everywhere. a girl showed up in a crazy black dress that was just the frame of a dress... in black underwear, all covered with a big black sweater. but by the end of the night she had taken the sweater off and was sitting there in a bunch of straps that looked sort of like a birdcage shaped like a dress, with her boobs sticking out of it. i thanked her for coming to the party and said something about being brave wearing that contraption. she scoffed at me, insulted like i had insinuated something about a relationship between us. "well we're friends and i appreciate that." i said. i can't remember anything after that.

the end?

Saturday, May 13, 2017

ufo sighting


there was a lot of dream time that i don't remember, but at some point we were in a small group on a boat in the ocean. it was sunny and clear. someone said something and everyone looked up in the sky. there was a light that was moving fast and in an odd way. when i saw it my heart jumped. then it turned from a light into a solid disc shape, a classic ufo. from a saucer to a hat. everyone got quiet, but you could tell a few were frightened. the ufo came straight at us, then veered off. a part of it splintered off and started spinning, it looked like two small wheels on each side of a spinning 'jack' toy from the childhood game. it became larger and larger until it was about 30 feet across and hit the water, causing a huge splash to hit the boat and everyone in it. then it started speaking, basically telling us to 'get in'. at that point a small panic ensued but i was trying to get in the water to go towards it. it seems like i got in the water but everything went blurry at that point. it was so real, i couldn't barely believe it. but when i woke up i knew i had forgotten something important.  that's all i can remember.


Monday, April 17, 2017

moving - a rolling truck full of stuff

had a dream that i was moving out of my grandparents house. we had a huge black semi-trailer full of my stuff. the birds were acting weird. klaus was just laying on the bottom of his cage and wouldn't move.

once we got started, my mom got into the back of the semi and laid on a small couch. i stood on top of the cab and drove the truck with my mind. at first i was fine. we drove north on anderson street in elwood, but i missed a turn. i navigated a huge u-turn and went south against the traffic to get to a parking lot on the left. finally i am trying to negotiate this vehicle in the parking lot. at one point i stop too fast and am sure i am going to fly off the top and hit the ground. but i manage to stay put. then i take off and swing the truck hard to the left, and it tips over and rolls. i glide gently to the ground next to it. all the stuff bangs around inside but mom pops out unharmed. i can't find the birds or cats. the dream ends as i wake up  looking for them.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

british secret service job - guitar museum - nerd up - medusa head chop


it was my first day on the job working for the british version of the secret service. i was in charge of keeping the royal family's secrets safe. there was a big get-together of employees on this day and my new boss told everyone that i was going to give a demonstration on the hi-tech security features of the computer-based surveillance system in buckingham palace. except i had no idea what he was talking about. so i stood there, with a crowd of my peers and a small audience of visitors trying to figure out how to log-in to the system. there was no mouse or keyboard on this screen. just me pressing it with my fingers in different spots for about 10 minutes. i start asking people if they had any idea. finally someone came up and showed me how to get in the system and then i navigated the rest like a pro.

later the scene changed. i was in a large, round room, probably 200 feet wide, with many collectible guitars. the walls were shades of deep blues (!). it felt like a guitar museum. some local guitar playing friends showed up. we shot the shit for a while and then went to look at all the guitars i had ever owned. except my black SG was missing. in it's place was a mock-up fake guitar someone had crafted, with no strings and a giant 3 foot wide headstock. immediately i thought i knew who did it. so i went down some tunnels and found this ninja kid, in the middle of perpetrating some other hijinks. i went after him, there was a chase, there was karate fighting, and finally i beat him unconscious with a stick.

fade to another scene, i am at a big swanky NYC party. i have a brown sweater vest on with a dressy nerd shirt and tie on. my hair is cropped just below my chin and my beard is trimmed very short. tina fey walks up and says "you look almost presentable when you NERD UP." she goes on to say disparaging things about my previous look, formerly unkempt beard and general lack of style.

further along in the dream, i return to the deep blues guitar museum. i'm working security with a giant sword. a hideous, bright orange (with white snakes as dreads) medusa breaks in and i am forced to chop off its head. i can't figure out what to do with the head so i go ask the head of security. he is a heavy set african american gentleman who leaves his 'big booty' magazines lying around the break room. they all feature extremely pornographic images of ladies with 'enhance posteriors' in compromising positions. anyways, he tells me to throw the medusa head into a garbage can in one of the rooms. i open said garbage can and there are already other medusa heads in there.

i can't remember the rest.

the end?

Friday, March 31, 2017

overnight karma records win - pajama pants - drunk driving girl - snoot boopsketball


had a dream i won a sweepstakes where the winners got to sleep overnight in a huge Karma Records store. we got to pick out items we wanted in the morning. it was kind of like a kid stuck in a candy store deal, but you have to curl up in your sleeping bag at some point. in the morning i had stacked all my items on a folding table, LPs, CDs, little collectibles. some girl came up and said there was a discrepancy.

later the Karma Records turned into a very tall castle. corey webb showed up in printed white pajama pants, acting all cool.

the next part i remember, i am a drunk girl, driving a car poorly on a cold winter night in a snow covered small town, trying to avoid a couple cop cars, who are after me. i end up on some residential street that is blocked on one end and have to back up and turn around, but the cops are around the corner. totally freaking out at that point. i think i blacked out.

the last bit i can recall is hanging out with dax shepard, in his house. he has a small toy dog that jumps up and bounces a nerf ball off its nose into a miniature basketball hoop. he throws the ball, the dog snoot boops it in. this goes on for a long time with many trick shots. as he tells me he's heading to some park to show off for a crowd, i suggest he start a new league: the American Snoot Boopsketball league. he thinks i am a genius and says he should.

the end?

Thursday, March 23, 2017

trump on the price is right - wasp in a cage


donald trump was on the price is right. he kept smiling smugly and insulting the audience. he got something wrong early on in the show, but no one corrected him. the audience was afraid to jeer him. then he played one of the games as a contestant. he had to guess the price of some car and  choose a price range. he waxed on and on about how good he was at it and then said he was never wrong. as soon as they revealed the actual price there was a small gasp, as he was way off, by two price ranges. then complete silence. no sad trombone, nothing. he had his eyes closed, waiting for the applause that never came. for roughly an entire minute he sat there waiting, the audience holding their breath. finally drew carey told him he was wrong. he began complaining and asked to see the other prices on the gameboard. a piece of it fell down, and it didn't show a 'winner' spot, so he said it was 'rigged' as he rolled his eyes and adjusted his tie. i jumped up and yelled "you can't stand to lose!" and he said something about never having to and winning and something else i can't remember.

later i had completely forgotten about the giant black and blue wasp in the cage. i had procured it and a huge green beetle, both very rare, and put them in our parakeet cage. i got up in the middle of the night and crouched down in the corner, only to see it squeezing through the bars and flying right at me, to kill me. in a panic, i smacked it to the right and put a cup over it. crisis averted.

the end?

Monday, March 20, 2017

not a crafty spy


had a dream I was a spy. thought I was crafty until the FBI director found a Russian bug in my car. the bug was a small piece of metal that played a little song