Monday, April 17, 2017

moving - a rolling truck full of stuff

had a dream that i was moving out of my grandparents house. we had a huge black semi-trailer full of my stuff. the birds were acting weird. klaus was just laying on the bottom of his cage and wouldn't move.

once we got started, my mom got into the back of the semi and laid on a small couch. i stood on top of the cab and drove the truck with my mind. at first i was fine. we drove north on anderson street in elwood, but i missed a turn. i navigated a huge u-turn and went south against the traffic to get to a parking lot on the left. finally i am trying to negotiate this vehicle in the parking lot. at one point i stop too fast and am sure i am going to fly off the top and hit the ground. but i manage to stay put. then i take off and swing the truck hard to the left, and it tips over and rolls. i glide gently to the ground next to it. all the stuff bangs around inside but mom pops out unharmed. i can't find the birds or cats. the dream ends as i wake up  looking for them.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

british secret service job - guitar museum - nerd up - medusa head chop


it was my first day on the job working for the british version of the secret service. i was in charge of keeping the royal family's secrets safe. there was a big get-together of employees on this day and my new boss told everyone that i was going to give a demonstration on the hi-tech security features of the computer-based surveillance system in buckingham palace. except i had no idea what he was talking about. so i stood there, with a crowd of my peers and a small audience of visitors trying to figure out how to log-in to the system. there was no mouse or keyboard on this screen. just me pressing it with my fingers in different spots for about 10 minutes. i start asking people if they had any idea. finally someone came up and showed me how to get in the system and then i navigated the rest like a pro.

later the scene changed. i was in a large, round room, probably 200 feet wide, with many collectible guitars. the walls were shades of deep blues (!). it felt like a guitar museum. some local guitar playing friends showed up. we shot the shit for a while and then went to look at all the guitars i had ever owned. except my black SG was missing. in it's place was a mock-up fake guitar someone had crafted, with no strings and a giant 3 foot wide headstock. immediately i thought i knew who did it. so i went down some tunnels and found this ninja kid, in the middle of perpetrating some other hijinks. i went after him, there was a chase, there was karate fighting, and finally i beat him unconscious with a stick.

fade to another scene, i am at a big swanky NYC party. i have a brown sweater vest on with a dressy nerd shirt and tie on. my hair is cropped just below my chin and my beard is trimmed very short. tina fey walks up and says "you look almost presentable when you NERD UP." she goes on to say disparaging things about my previous look, formerly unkempt beard and general lack of style.

further along in the dream, i return to the deep blues guitar museum. i'm working security with a giant sword. a hideous, bright orange (with white snakes as dreads) medusa breaks in and i am forced to chop off its head. i can't figure out what to do with the head so i go ask the head of security. he is a heavy set african american gentleman who leaves his 'big booty' magazines lying around the break room. they all feature extremely pornographic images of ladies with 'enhance posteriors' in compromising positions. anyways, he tells me to throw the medusa head into a garbage can in one of the rooms. i open said garbage can and there are already other medusa heads in there.

i can't remember the rest.

the end?

Friday, March 31, 2017

overnight karma records win - pajama pants - drunk driving girl - snoot boopsketball


had a dream i won a sweepstakes where the winners got to sleep overnight in a huge Karma Records store. we got to pick out items we wanted in the morning. it was kind of like a kid stuck in a candy store deal, but you have to curl up in your sleeping bag at some point. in the morning i had stacked all my items on a folding table, LPs, CDs, little collectibles. some girl came up and said there was a discrepancy.

later the Karma Records turned into a very tall castle. corey webb showed up in printed white pajama pants, acting all cool.

the next part i remember, i am a drunk girl, driving a car poorly on a cold winter night in a snow covered small town, trying to avoid a couple cop cars, who are after me. i end up on some residential street that is blocked on one end and have to back up and turn around, but the cops are around the corner. totally freaking out at that point. i think i blacked out.

the last bit i can recall is hanging out with dax shepard, in his house. he has a small toy dog that jumps up and bounces a nerf ball off its nose into a miniature basketball hoop. he throws the ball, the dog snoot boops it in. this goes on for a long time with many trick shots. as he tells me he's heading to some park to show off for a crowd, i suggest he start a new league: the American Snoot Boopsketball league. he thinks i am a genius and says he should.

the end?

Thursday, March 23, 2017

trump on the price is right - wasp in a cage


donald trump was on the price is right. he kept smiling smugly and insulting the audience. he got something wrong early on in the show, but no one corrected him. the audience was afraid to jeer him. then he played one of the games as a contestant. he had to guess the price of some car and  choose a price range. he waxed on and on about how good he was at it and then said he was never wrong. as soon as they revealed the actual price there was a small gasp, as he was way off, by two price ranges. then complete silence. no sad trombone, nothing. he had his eyes closed, waiting for the applause that never came. for roughly an entire minute he sat there waiting, the audience holding their breath. finally drew carey told him he was wrong. he began complaining and asked to see the other prices on the gameboard. a piece of it fell down, and it didn't show a 'winner' spot, so he said it was 'rigged' as he rolled his eyes and adjusted his tie. i jumped up and yelled "you can't stand to lose!" and he said something about never having to and winning and something else i can't remember.

later i had completely forgotten about the giant black and blue wasp in the cage. i had procured it and a huge green beetle, both very rare, and put them in our parakeet cage. i got up in the middle of the night and crouched down in the corner, only to see it squeezing through the bars and flying right at me, to kill me. in a panic, i smacked it to the right and put a cup over it. crisis averted.

the end?

Monday, March 20, 2017

not a crafty spy


had a dream I was a spy. thought I was crafty until the FBI director found a Russian bug in my car. the bug was a small piece of metal that played a little song

Saturday, March 11, 2017

jane roberts on a bus in colorado


had a dream i met jane roberts on a bus in colorado. i told her i was a huge fan and had read all the seth books (except oversoul seven). i told her about how the material and the concepts crashed over me like waves as i read them. i asked where she's been these days and she said she splits her time between colorado and ohio. after i ran out of things to say, i asked her what her favorite manifestations were, saying mine were the infinitely small and inconsequential ones, like finding a dime when i needed ten cents, or finding a parking spot. i'm not sure what her answer was but eventually i had to get off the bus. after walking around for a while, i decided to go find her and see if i could get some contact info so i could email or write her, that's when it occurred to me that she died in 1984.

i can't remember the rest

[edit: at some point i lost my voice entirely while talking to her]

Friday, March 10, 2017

dystopian future - tiny trump wins - traffic jam


it's a dystopian future where we are expecting nuclear calamity at any second. everything on the tv is about the roving marauders and the breakdown of society. i am huddled up in a small apartment with the most fragile members of my family, most of whom have passed in real life. i tell them all goodbye and they think i'm joking, but i am only half joking. i don't think it's as bad out there as they say.

after a transition, i am outside during a big election. it's between tiny trump (who has the body of a toddler but a giant, fat head) and normal sized trump, who is slightly less adversarial. the election is so contested, it ends in a huge violent march between the two sides directly in front of the capital building. the entire thing is live on tv.

tiny trump's violent group gets the upper hand, and everyone is terrified. he gets to yelling and doing a weird 'victory lap' and ends up falling across a wire that slices his head clean off. everyone cheers, as now the normal sized trump has won the election. this trump starts doing interviews immediately and the country is (slightly) comforted. out of the quiet someone yells, "HE'S STILL ALIVE!" and lo and behold, tiny trump's giant head is still functioning. someone stands up his toddler body and puts the head back on. everyone is aghast. he is talking quietly and slowly about taking his revenge on the country. a sense of dread ripples through the crowds as they realize he is leader again.

later, it's a traffic jam. everyone is trying to escape. vehicles are at a complete standstill. when they do move, there are violent clashes over lane changes. we are in a station wagon with all our stuff on the roof. i keep jumping out and running down to a small sink in an underpass to wash some clothes, everyone is upset about this. this scene never seems to end.

suddenly i wake up.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

broken guitar - garage - box truck - interdimensional holy war


dtp was practicing but all my gear was around the corner, and when i went to grab it, i found a guitar on the floor that i had previously bought on craiglist or ebay. then i realized it was cracked in half. it was a white guitar with some splash of colors on it.

i started working in a garage with steve colca. auto mechanic stuff. the boss was an old tough bastard.

later i was doing spin outs in a box truck with doug purdue, dropping off two black kids after school.

at the end, the apostle guys and a handful of friends from my grade school days all climbed to the top floor of an old building to witness a 'holy war' between two interdimensional spirit clans. we were able to open a huge portal and though we wanted to fight, we knew deep down that we couldn't. the spirit clans were riding winged beasts and carried massive staffs with skulls on the top. one clan had horse skull helmets which i mistook for their actual heads. the other group had what looked like black rubber covering their heads. there was a lot of high pitched screaming. both sides organized in 'the air' like bees in geometric lines. the fighting took place two separate times, with each clan flying into each other. after it was over, we were loading out gear. corey's bass drum was cracked in half. a casualty of war.

the end?

Thursday, February 16, 2017

dolphins in the pools


i another reality, i'm younger and checking out apartments to rent. after searching many different kinds with various types of layouts, rooms, bathrooms etc, i settle into three of them. i swim in the pool of the first one and am surprised to find out there is a dolphin living in the pool. at the second apartment, i am doubly surprised they also have a dolphin in their pool. "hey, you have a dolphin too!" i say to no one in particular.

eventually i realize i don't have any money. i spend time being interviewed about brady wren and watching cable access channels

the end?

Thursday, February 2, 2017

mrs tuffins


i'm working at a big talent agency with my wife. her lady boss is a real crank. on my first day, i get called into the boss's office because she can't define some word in a text. i explain what it means, then she says something into her phone and enables the speakerphone and finishes with "how does that sound mrs. tuffins?" so i blurt out "muffins" really loudly and the room goes silent. everyone is super mad and i'm going to get fired.

the end?

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

metallic cleansing pill - giant space mountain music fest


i can't remember much of the first dream but jason momoa was trying to get me to eat some crazy metallic pill with a long strand of wire hanging off one end. he said it was a 'cleansing' pill and once in your stomach the pill part melts away and the inside expands into a blue bathroom towel that cleans your intestines as you pass it. but you need the wire to get it out! i said no thanks.

the second dream i was alone at a giant music fest. it was in a huge space mountain type of building, but open on one side. there were many levels, like the death star, and each level had some weird configuration of a stage with some underground stoner or doom band playing on it. everyone at the fest was wasted. some people were passed out in the hallways.

at one point i found a computer in a dark wood paneled hallway and tried to check the internet. a meth head guy with a giant shank, cranked out to the max, threatened me for the computer so i left. then i realized i didn't have my wallet or money or anything. i couldn't find my keys. at that point i wasn't sure that i had even driven there. as i'm trying to figure out where to start looking, it dawns on me that i wasn't even worried about it before and i knew everything was fine.

by then i had walked to the far end of the building, so i got on a roller coaster, expecting to zip back to the the other side. instead, the roller coaster went straight up, and up, and up, with no signs of coming back down. we were hitting the clouds when i jumped out and slid down the tracks  back to the bottom.

i made my way to a big open lawn in the middle, there was no roof there. it was two levels of walkways that curved in a large arc, with green grass sloping down 40 feet in the middle. on the upper level, Lo-Pan was doing a soundcheck. i saw people starting to gather below. i went across the grass and when i came towards the center there was another massive platform there. i snuck down underneath it and realized there were hundreds of dancers waiting to pop up on the grass and dance in a giant choreographed display. they were wearing red and yellow telletubby outfits, but they all had huge lightbulbs on top of their heads.

one of them asked me what i was doing there and said they were about to perform. i said i lost my wallet and woke up.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

robot consciousness - mothership garage hostel w cockatiel


i am a robot far in the future. i can change my identity and gender. for a while, i am a long haired japanese woman. all of the other robots are obsessed with trying to appear human, so much so that they forget they are machines. i'm in a relationship with another robot, who tries to convince me i'm a robot but they are human. eventually i realize there are no humans left, only a world full of humanity-obsessed robots.

later i am traveling. i'm outside in a fenced-in area and it's getting late. i need a place to sleep. a girl takes me to an adjacent garage hostel. there are mattresses and blankets on the floor, all next to each other. it's not ideal, but it's cheap. other people show up and take up the spots around me. i realize i am traveling with Klaus the cockatiel. no cage, no perch, no carrier. Klaus has major problems with his legs so he's always falling. i am holding him in my hand, trying to guess where i will put him while i sleep. someone shows up with a dog, and Klaus falls. i help him up on a nightstand. soon i am talking to him and he is talking to me. he said he understands. loy smoak appears, he needs to crash.

during the night the garage floods. i find out it belongs to the guys in Mothership. no one knows how the flood happened. by the morning, the FBI shows up and interrogates everyone. eventually i find a hose in the yard, someone poked holes in it, causing the flood.

Rob Hough is there, he wants to get coffee and smoke a cigar. says there's a little market in town. i ride with him to the market. on the drive, he plays me a recording of our set from last night. apparently i was so drunk i blacked out. i can't remember being drunk or playing or anything. the recording sounds really good, we're making up a brand new song and it sounds better than Led Zeppelin. Rob can't believe i can't remember. we decide that i'm such a high-functioning alcoholic that i must excel at music while drunk.

we finally get to the market. it's a small, one story building covered in rough wood, dark brown panels. inside, i need to find food for Klaus, as i don't have any. (he's back in the garage hostel). the market is full of shelves stacked to the ceiling with very narrow aisles. while looking and looking with little luck, i run into some people i barely remember from Ball State. this one girl remembers me and starts asking me if i remember this or that. i can't say that i do. i finally get a little bag of seeds for Klaus but i don't have my wallet. this girl decides to pay for it. thanks.

we drive back to the Mothership garage. i'm trying to find my own recorder to hear how bad our set was. i'm asking everyone there how bad we were but they won't say it directly. some roll their eyes. i keep thinking we're going to play our set over, or at least hoping we are.

more stuff happens, but i can't remember any of that either.

the end?

Monday, December 19, 2016

shitty hotel room inside a casino in a mall


we were in Vegas, inside some casino that was itself inside a shopping mall. The hotel was inside a shitty apartment building inside the casino, inside the mall. The rooms were furnished with other people's stuff and they were small and dirty.

Some woman showed up and said that our room was actually her room, and there was an argument. The room had several doors, each had a different room number on the outside. The tv was an old console tv with a small back and white tv crookedly placed inside it. On top of the small tv was an envelope with my name on it with a bible inside. It appeared to be some sort of book sharing setup.

When we complained, the Mexican drug looking hotel owner walked around the floor with me. There were many weird structural anomalies, nothing made sense. This stairwell went nowhere, this hallway returned you to another hallway, etc.

I came back to the room and had to poop. The bathroom looked just like my parents old bathroom but was old and dirty. There was rusty poop-looking water stains on everything, the walls, towels the floor. I accused my wife of making the mess, she got mad and said it wasn't her. Sitting on the couch, she was looking at a stack of polaroids and my mom came in and took them. The room to our hotel opened into a shitty apartment kitchen, with a couple chubby smokers coughing in it. We had to pass through to get there, even though we had other doors.

the end?