Monday, November 1, 2021

Movie Review: Blood Vessel (2019)

tonight's feature: Blood Vessel (2019) on Shudder
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What makes a movie great? I have no idea and neither did the writers & producers of Blood Vessel. They can take the automatic winning formula of vampires & nazis on a nazi boat and somehow make it lame. How lame? Well you start with a life raft full of international characters who can't seem to get along to save their lives, pepper them with ham-fisted, stereotypical dialogue, and try to make the audience care. Just about the time you nod off, they find out there are some real life, bat-faced ancient vampires onboard. Things get cookin' and suddenly people start dyin'. Oh yeah, the main vampire can control your mind if you get bitten. Kind of an unfair advantage, if you ask me. Pretty soon they realize they are all effed in the bhole and there's only one option to end this nightmare. Can they pull it off? Well you'll have to watch it and let me know. Still, it wasn't "terrible" terrible, just weaker than it should have been. Bonus points for the movie poster being better than the movie. 6 vampire nazi boats that I should have cared more about out of 10.



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