sporting goods megachurch family adventures

dream:

i'm walking with a large family, but not my current family. we are inside what can only be described as a massive sporting goods store / megachurch. it's bigger than an amusement park. there are sprawling green manicured lawns and weird futuristic buildings off in the distance. a canal and small walkways run throughout, yet we are still 'inside'. someone hands me a 'catalog' for the place. it's probably 8x10 per page but 10 inches thick. that's impossible, i think. they couldn't have that many items. turns out only a small part of it is items for sale, there are other texts, stories and puzzles for kids taking up the rest of it.

next we are in an upstairs area watching a film on a screen so large you can't see the edges. the movie is about betrayal and killing your boss. sharon stone plays two identical looking characters trying to get one over on each other. one of them is the boss of the other. they are suspended by wires in a room with a large domed ceiling. neither of them can really move because of the wires. the boss was trapped into this scenario, but now they are both talking about killing each other. the scene is very intense and the dialog very dramatic, but i don't know any other details of the story. as i'm making fun of the scene, someone gets offended. my mom asks some snarky question about cd manufacturers, implying i slept with one. "what are you talking about?" "nevermind." more snark.

soon we're in a large room that feels like a cafeteria. there are big folding tables with attached seating just like in school. everything is white and orange. the ceiling has a mural painted on it, to look like clouds and sky. there are ornate, wooden carvings hanging down from it. some are painted to look like angels. one is supposed to be god himself. he looks like a nondescript, short haired jesus. he has wings and is reaching towards the people down below.

i'm sitting at a table with some of my family. i have a giant jambox and pop in a cassette. some great tunes come flowing loudly out of it. suddenly we are asked to turn the music off. turns out there are handicapped people around the room who are trying to sleep. some are in wheelchairs, some are in folding beds. i woke some of them up with the music. oops.

eventually i'm in my own apartment. i have a large sliding glass door. just outside of that door, lying on the porch / deck, are three cats. they are all lying on their backs, twitching ever so slightly. it looks like they have all been poisoned. i don't get a chance to find out why because i wake up.

the end?

joining taint'd, bronze bathrooms, water parks & roller coasters

dream(s):

the band joined forces with another band called TAINT'D. we all moved into a 20x20 garage in a blizzard to practice. we had a space heater and one lamp. outside a sliding patio door (covered by blankets) was a swirling mass of snow. the walls were covered in carpets, foam, blankets and posters. it was dark outside and we were praying the power didn't go out.

next i'm in some large building. it looks like my old junior high school, named after failed presidential candidate wendell l wilkie. i'm alone, but it sounds like someone is following me. i have to go to the bathroom. i finally find one and all the toilets and fixtures are made of bronze. even the divider between stalls was bronze. i wanted to go to the bathroom but i was worried whoever was following me would ambush me.

eventually i am at a huge water park. it's so big i can't see the end of it. there's a large sloping hill on one side with slides connected to endless floating rivers full of innertubes and people. i have lost my friends and family and the only way to get to them is to leave the park. except i don't know how to do that. i'm floating on my innertube and trying to find the exit. i need to get to the parking lot but the floating river doesn't go that far. the park staff stops me and i have to walk to the car.

next i'm in what looks like a roller coaster, but isn't. there are no tracks and no wheels. my mom is in the small 'car' next to me and we're flying around some sort of castle with lots of curved walls. we are very very high up in the air and it feels like we'll fly off the 4 foot wide shelf we're coasting on. i have to grab onto passing statues to correct our flight. there are cars in front and in back of us, people are screaming for joy and also sheer terror.

there was something about two blondes in a huge fight. screaming and tears. they used to be friends but something happened. i can't remember. eye makeup is running down their faces.

yesterday i dreamed about going back in time with the band, but i failed to write anything down. by the time i thought about it, i had lost every single detail except the time travel part. ugh.

the end?

party with severin, the price is right, boulder ride

dreams:

i was at a party hosted by mr todd severin. it was in some vfw type hall basement. he was giving away prizes for various categories. there was a huge stereo providing unending classic jams, but i had to fix the speakers because somehow they stopped working. at the end of the night, i was awarded 'best sound' (for fixing the speaker problem) and 'best songs'.

next i was on the set of the price is right. one of the models, manuela arbelaez, was sitting in a director's chair off to the side. i must have been a contestant because it seems like i had a nametag. i'm also wearing a very bright yellow suit jacket and a small black narrow tie. and yellow shorts. i look like spongebob. i walked up and started a conversation. she was polite but didn't want to hear it. i asked her if we could be friends. she started to look uncomfortable so i went to catering. there was a long table with a black tablecloth where all the staff had already eaten. i found a piece of orange looking cake and sat down and finished it. someone else saw me and started grabbing leftovers.

finally i am outside somewhere, it looks like utah or arizona. large orange boulders and desert. there is a huge row of boulders and a group of my friends head over to them. i climb up on the smallest one and make my way to the big one in the middle. as soon as i get on top of it, there is a huge explosion. the boulder i am on is shooting up into space. i begin to panic as there is nothing to hold onto. soon the boulder is slowing and it looks like we are a thousand feet in the air... then dropping. slowly picking up speed. then faster and faster. i am beyond panic now but i know if i want to survive i will have to jump off at the last minute. so i crawl to the edge and look down. just at the point of impact, i slide over the side. the boulder rolls towards me as i hit the ground, so i roll. it rolls some more, it feels like it's going to crush me but i roll again and finally it stops.

the end?

big ole tour, bunch of bands, one van

dream:

the band is finally going on a big tour. but for some reason we are sharing our van with all the bands. one of the bands is exhorder. another is either fates warning or dream theater, i can't actually tell. then there are two death metal bands that i don't even know. all the bands are milling around the van. like most of my dreams, we're in the woods. there is a trailer full of gear and the van seems extra long (that's what she said?). there is a middle aisle running through the seats, like a school bus. we are all riding in the van though, it seems like there is 24 people total, plus merch guy and roadies. the only problem is, the exhorder guys don't like the dream theater guys. they are mocking them behind their big curly hairdoos. everyone is wearing black. black shirts, black pants, black shoes.

 i step out of the van and someone opens a road case. it's an exhorder hoodie, they screened the inside of the hood part. it looks really cool. i want one.

at some point the guys say we have to adjust the ventilation on the van, since it is going to be so crowded. except we pull it out and it's giant aluminum tubes, like the ventilation on a huge building. we have to cut a hole in one of the tubes and run another tube to the back. what?

eventually, it's time to leave. someone from dream theater comes up and tells me to get in the van. then he says, "remember, the first show is in Germany!" which doesn't make any sense either, since we're still in the USA sitting in a van. whatever.

the end?

loose hedgehog - yellow bike - record store restaurant

dream:

i'm at a friend of a friend's house. i have never been here before. it's in some area surrounded by lush, green trees. the house is very small and cluttered. my friend and his friend (who owns the house) are off doing something in another room. i am bored and wandering around. in the kitchen there's a little girl sitting at the table, eating breakfast cereal... cats are fighting each other below. there is a sliding patio door behind her but it's dark outside. i am wearing a dress for no reason other than it seems like a funny thing to do. i see there is a small hedgehog on the floor and i follow it to the door. the door blows open and it runs outside. i yell to my friend's friend that it escaped and he yells back that it's fine. i decide to go after it to keep an eye on it. except when i get outside it has grown to the size of wild hog. it actually looks like it turned into a wild hog. it runs off into the woods. i yell for the others but they can't hear me. somehow i know it's going to get to the size of a rhinoceros.

at this point, still wearing a dress (which is more or less a patchwork of ugly, pastel colored squares that is long enough for me to eschew wearing pants) i decide to go for a late night ride into town. even though it's 2am, i am riding a bright yellow bicycle. i can't remember any of the ride itself. but when i get to town, it looks like a very old european village, but everyone speaks spanish. lots of hand carved cobblestone and brickwork. everything appears very very old. suddenly i am driving the band van. (remembering?) i want to go to the record store / restaurant but i can't find any parking. i end up jumping a curb and driving the van down a bunch of steps, first one angle then another. still can't find a parking space. i jump on the interstate (which is high in the sky) to head home.

now i'm back on the yellow bike and i realize i don't have a lock for it. i find a room next to the record store that is open and has some odds and ends in it. so i put the bike in a corner. when i get to the record store-restaurant it's packed, even thought it's 2am. i'm standing in line and kids are pointing and laughing. two latino girls are squeezed in line behind me and they can't stop giggling. i am laughing too. the store owner isn't really laughing though, but he doesn't really mind me being there. the record store-restaurant is very small. white tiled floors and large bins of vinyl records that are all built on stands so the records are waist high. there is one small path that winds around all the records. the ceiling is low and there are lots of flats and other dumb crap (piñatas?) hanging from it. the walls are covered with promotional items and the lights are a dull fluorescent.  i see a friend i haven't seen since high school. i can't even remember her name. she asks the usual questions, "how are you doing? how are things going? what's with the dress?".... i peruse the records for a while, seeing albums and artists i've never heard of. i don't think i have a wallet, or any place to keep any records, so i don't buy any. eventually i decide to get some food and that takes forever. seems like i'm the only one eating. it's a small booth in the back with very tall, dark wooden chairs and table. the entire area is painted a bright, light blue. there is a small screen door that goes to an outside kitchen. it slams every time someone goes through. i can't remember the food but it might have been soup. or mexican. or mexican soup. most of the original customers are gone now. and it's daylight. some men come in and start harassing me about the dress.

i decide to ride home and say goodbye to the owners. but when i get to the adjacent room, there is even more clutter and several yellow bikes, all of which are missing parts. some are hanging on the wall with no wheels and another is in pieces. none of them are my bike though. (and by 'my bike' i mean the bike i was borrowing from my friend's friend). there is drywall piled up in the room also. some is cut, some are fragments. some are up on saw-horses. there are other tools and lots of dust covering everything. i spend the rest of the dream going around and asking about the bike. it's like the dream stopped and i was stuck in it because the bike was stolen. i literally wait around in the dream for something to happen, someone to show up with it, some witness telling me where it is. nothing. eventually my friend jason treadway shows up and he agrees to give me a ride. i follow him down a gravel path through a thick patch of bushes. still bummed about the bike. then i wake up.

the end?

crazy store, kurt at the mall, lost my stuff

dream:

i'm in some crazy store owned or partly owned by josh homme. there are all kinds of kidrobot collectible and limited release toys. there are weird but hyper stylish rock and roll clothes. tons and tons of stuff. everywhere i look is something i have never seen before that is something i would probably want. there is rad colored glasswear with various rare band names and tv show tie-ins. i am like a small child in awe. barbie gets bored, she wants to leave. she goes and sits by the register while i keep finding more freaky weird awesome stuff.

later i'm at the shopping mall with kurt cobain. he looks young and healthy. i think i'm 17 years old. we're waiting in line for something. maybe a pretzel, i dunno. there are people starting to stare and whisper. they can't believe he is here. i ask him if it bothers him and he says it doesn't. there are two high school looking, bratty faced girls across the way. he asks me if i think they would do him. "probably that one on the right" i say.

much later i am in the airport. i have returned from somewhere far away. i can't find some electronics. one is a twitter only device. the other is similar, but for instagram. there may be another missing. i can't tell. i want to go back and check the airplane but it's too late for that. we end up at this house. some of my cousins are there. it seems like somebody's young, snarky girlfriend's house. the walls are black and the carpet is red. we have to stay here for the night. i'm pacing around, still looking through my stuff for my missing stuff. i go upstairs and it's the same: red carpet. black walls. i see a sagging part in the carpet and realize it's a giant hole covered up with a carpet piece. a trap! i don't fall into it and i don't appreciate it. suddenly barbie comes in and sits down on a couch. i can see she is sitting on my electronics case! "get up!" i yell. she seems annoyed that i think she took the electronics. but the case she sat on is empty. anxiety. ugh.

the end?

suicidal actress - tweaker guy - chainsaw maniac

dream:

i'm on top of a brick building in some city. it's night time. there is some kind of ruckus going on below. firetrucks, people running. i can't tell what started it but it looks like bedlam.

eventually i am hearing about this young actress named savannah. she is blonde and cute and clinically depressed. she tried to kill herself once with pills but only ended up sick. the second time, she tried to drown herself in the back of a speedboat. i can see the white boat sinking in the back and the water rising over the seats.. she drank heavily because she thought it would be easier. wearing a white bikini, she goes under the water and someone yanks her out. her eye makeup is all streaky.

later i change into a thin tweaker guy. someone is setting me up on a date with this suicidal girl. i ride my bmx style motorcyle over to her house. it's night time. the house has no front walls, so you can see right inside. i pull up and there is a couple snuggling on the couch. the guy says something to the girl about sleeping with all his friends and they get into a fight. screw this, i think. i leave my bike behind without even knocking on the door (which isn't there either) and start walking home.

i get down the block and it suddenly feels like i'm delivering pizzas. a masked, chainsaw-wielding crazy person jumps out from behind a fence. i am startled, but before i have a chance to run, he chops my left arm off. i don't drop the pizza in my right hand. finally i wake up.

the end?

burned man, rastafarian engineer, pee pee slot machine

dream:

i wake up in some sort of metal room. it looks like a lab but it is also a recording studio. there is a team of doctors and nurses working on a man who is burned very badly. his skin is burnt completely black, with cracks of red around the edges. they are doing vitamin injections directly into his skin. he doesn't appear to feel anything but he knows i am in the room. he doesn't speak to me but he looks at me several times. he's alternately lying down and sitting up, talking normally. he looks like a cross between a zombie and a comic book character. i guess am there because the band is using the studio during the day.

earlier, when the band is setting up in the studio, a tall rastafarian guy comes in and tells us we have to leave. his dreads go all the way down his back. allegedly we keep breaking into the studio. he tells us we can't record there. except he records us anyways since we are already set up.(?)

eventually, i walk out of the room with the burned man and into what looks like a cross between a shopping mall and a level of DOOM III. i can only see about 20 feet and the rest is pitch black. i'm on a metal deck which is above a lower level. there are metal hand rails. there are a bunch of people out there on the deck. i have to pee really bad. i walk up to some kind of slot machine and lift it open at the center. i realize i'm standing there in tighty whiteys. i start to relieve myself and some woman asks if i have a problem cause she's going to watch. that freaks me out so i tell her i'm going to go outside instead. having to pee eventually wakes me up.

the end?

a big festival i can't remember

dream:

it was some kind of big festival. a 420 nerd fest maybe. i am having trouble with the details. it was outside in the woods. lots and lots of people. some were famous actors. one was the guy who played boon in the tv show lost. there were lots of shenanigans that i can't remember.

the end?

pool time for the mentally challenged, pilot instructional video

dream:

i was in a home for the mentally challenged. we were in an indoor pool with tan tiles and dull, yellow walls. there was a sun roof. myself and a majority of the patients were at one end of the pool, while an instructor and a patient that looked like bubbles from trailer park boys were at the other. he was teaching him how to serve a volleyball. he missed several times and overshot several times. someone got hit in the face with the ball. at some point i looked down and saw a long haired cat lying on the bottom of the pool. i yelled but no one cared. i grabbed the cat, pulled it from the water and hoisted it on the side of the pool. it looked like colonel meow and it was soaked. it didn't suffer any ill effects and for all i can tell it was trying to drown itself. one of the employees brought out an old school tv and held it over the water so we could watch a vhs instructional video. "don't!" i thought.

next, i'm in an instructional video. i'm a pilot sitting in an airplane cockpit. the video is for pilots. the narrarator says "always have a moth in the window with some food" as if a moth in the cockpit will help you detect pressure changes. what?

there was more but i forgot it all.

the end?

war, fast food, box trucks, dead birds & a missing shitty gig

dream:

i was in some war, but it was not me. i was black. lots of carnage. it was depressing. i can't remember too many details now, but after the war i worked at a fast food place. more discrimination and depression. when i wrote it down the dream was vivid. i can barely remember it now.

at some point i am driving a box truck. looks more like a UPS vehicle. i'm in the small downtown area at night. one of the main streets went from one way to two way and i'm on it. except it's not marked. and there are no stop signs or lights. so i'm having fun, yet being careful. no cars are anywhere on the streets. i finally pull up a ramp and onto a raised parking area. it surrounds a huge wall, probably 100 feet high or more, on top of which are apartments. i park on a corner and there are no rails, so i have to be careful or the truck will tumble off the edge.

i go inside my apartment. my four parakeets are dead. someone shoved the cage in the closet. my friend alex pops in as i'm trying to revive them, but they are all stiff. he says they were being very loud. "they were dying" i tell him.

shitty gig: i wrote down 'shitty gig' and i remember enough that there was a long sequence that was awful but i can't remember anything else. will post later if it comes back to me. gah
there was another part where i was talking to a bunch of little kids and they thought i was hilarious. i have no idea what happened.

the end?

dude buggy colbert - film beach krimm colts

dream:

i'm on a beach riding dune buggies with stephen colbert. he wants to race and i agree. i decide to go behind the rocky hills but there is no path there. i lose.

then we're on the set of a movie. it's a small room off the beach. light wooden paneling. dark wooden furniture. the wall facing the beach is missing, so the camera can shoot. there is a mirror above the dresser that reflects the ocean. i can't make out who else is in the film, seems like one or more of the indianapolis colts. finally someone yells and there is an open portal across the way. i can see a similar room through the opening. the eldemur krimm guys are there. fred comes through and i yell for him to come over where we're shooting but he gets spooked and goes back through the portal. when i finally get over there it is closed.

the end?

van troubles, band crashers, russian visit

dream:

coming home late. in a van full of people. my wife seems to be driving. it's raining and very dark out. the highway is full of cars going too fast for the rain. suddenly the car in front of us swerves and there is a group of children kneeling around a large box full of puppies, directly in our path. everyone screams. i grab the wheel and we fly into the other lane, barely missing the children and the car next to us. we go off the road.

finally it stopped raining. the first light of dawn is starting. everyone is gone. the van is stuck in a field, between two other similar vans. there is a telephone pole nearby and a dirt road behind me. off in the distance are some woods and fields as far as the eye can see. i can't drive the van out, but i am able to move the adjacent van by hand (like superman). which somehow allows me to get out.

now i'm in what appears to be my kitchen, running to the bathroom in tighty whiteys. there is a guy standing in the kitchen, he waves at me. after i come out of the bathroom, i recognize him. he's some dude who i always talked to at the cat, way back when. (alley cat in broad ripple) he's loaded groceries all over the kitchen. every surface. all the floors. he tells me the band is staying here while they record their album. three weeks. what band? some band i don't know, extreme metal. they are called CREEATHON or CREATURRR or CREEATNN or something. i finally realize it's not my kitchen after all. randy blythe walks in, i'm explaining that the band is staying here. he says it's cool, tells me it's his house. apparently i am there to babysit the band and the house.

soon the band shows up. there is a bunch of family with them. kids. wives. aunts. a grandma. i'm going around pointing out the couches to one of the wives. "a place to crash here, a pull-out bed there, this chair folds out..." she's not impressed with the rundown house. kids are running around and screaming already. i'm not so sure about this anymore.

next we leave the house and end up in russia. was the house close to the russian border? i have no idea. now we're sitting in some sort of wooden lookout structure. there are russians everywhere. apparently russia is mounting an offensive. "what's Putin gonna do, come take over the studio?"
i yell. everyone turns and looks at me. maybe he is? i wake up.

the end?