Movie Review: Halloween 2 (1981)

tonight's 2nd feature: Halloween 2 (1981) on Youtube
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night 31 #31NightsofHalloween

Halloween 2 seems to get some low marks from movie critics and I'm not 100% sure why. The movie has its faults, but it seems more like an extension of the original story and that can't be too bad, right? While not as epic as the first Halloween, it would still have been pretty dang good if it was the first installment. I could have done without the plot twist that Laurie was Jason's other, adopted sister. Still, I dug the vibe and generall all-around Halloween-ness. 7 hospital therapeutic hot tubs out of 10.

Movie Reviews: Halloween Kills (2021)

tonight's feature: Halloween Kills (2021) on Peacock
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night 31 #31NightsofHalloween

Halloween Kills is a hot mess of a film, but one I thoroughly enjoyed. Plenty of WTF moments mixed with a handful of rewarding plot points and great moments by actors from the 1978 classic reprising their original roles. I had seen the 2018 film but I wish I had watched it right before this sequel, because everything happens directly after those events. There were some regrettable decisions made by the scriptwriters in Halloween Kills but I'm going overlook them due to my deep appreciation of the franchise. I can't say I'll say the same for the next sequel, (Halloween Ends), due out next year, but we'll have to wait and see. 7.5 Michael Myers streetfights with an angry mob out of 10.

Movie Review: The Dark and the Wicked (2020)

tonight's feature: The Dark and the Wicked (2020) on Shudder
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night 30 #31NightsofHalloween

(SPOILER-ISH) The Dark and the Wicked was as depressing as it was horrid. The kind of movie that leaves you feeling awful for hours afterwards. Brother and sister Michael and Louise return to the family farm as their father lies on his deathbed. Mama told 'em not to come, but kids never listen. Pretty soon terrible things start happening, including Mama cutting up some carrots late at night while evil lurks... and the chopping, chopping, chopping, "OMG MAMA YOUR FINGERS, THEY SAID DICED, NOT MINCED!"

That's just the tip of the ghastly iceberg. Horrible visions, creepy visitors, people being overcome by evil spirits, The Dark and the Wicked has it all. Even goat murders, which I am not a fan of. Bonus points for even having a lof cute goats at the farm though. The movie poster has a floating entity way above the house, but we never actually see it higher than 3 feet during the film, so that seems like some false advertising. Regardless, I was sufficiently disturbed by The Dark and the Wicked so I'll give it 8 nurses stabbing themselves in the eyes with knitting needles out of 10.

Movie Review: Anything For Jackson (2020)

tonight's feature: Anything For Jackson (2020) on Shudder
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night 29 #31NightsofHalloween

Anything For Jackson was exactly what I want out of a horror flick. Freaky, weird, and ghastly stuff. An elderly couple decides to dabble in some satanic witchcraft to bring back their grandson, and as they do, things go horribly wrong. The slightly confusing ending left things open for a sequel, so maybe we'll get lucky? 9 horrible ideas out of 10.

Movie Review: After Midnight (2019)

tonight's feature: After Midnight (2019) on Shudder
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night 28 #31NightsofHalloween

After Midnight was a well made movie. Decent acting. Should have been an easy premise: creature feature. No problem. The original title was "Something Else" and that was changed after the film premiered. Probably because some people in the audience were confused, like I was.

The movie is considered a "romantic monster movie" but that's being generous. What it turned out to be is a hot, sticky mess of a film.

Hank's girlfriend leaves him alone in the big ole house. That's when the monster starts showing up. For half the film, we're with this country bumpkin on his journey of monster mania. Nobody believes him. He keeps remembering the good times with his girlfriend and fending off the beast at night. One day she returns, and he tells her about the monster. She tells him she wants more out of life. Things get complicated. I am bored to tears. There is a party for her birthday. The monster is all but forgotten, or is it? Well, it didn't really matter because After Midnight ruined the story by trying too hard. I will give them credit for trying, ok. But this fell like a turd in the ole punchbowl because I was absolutely hating this romantic genre shift buried deep in a 'horror' movie.

Suffice to say, if I ever have to hear a grown man sing a full karaoke version of "Stay" by Lisa Loeb, I am walking out of the theater before the verse is finished. Or turning the movie off and punching myself in the junk for even allowing it to happen. I dug the first half of the film, so I'll give it 3 moronic script-twists out of 10.

Movie Review: Tigers Are Not Afraid (2017)

tonight's feature: Tigers Are Not Afraid (2017) on Shudder
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night 27 #31NightsofHalloween

Tigers Are Not Afraid was a gripping fantasy-horror that outlines the sad realities for victims of Mexico's endless cartel wars. A very different kind of narrative than I'm used to, and not quite what I was expecting, but well done and thought provoking. 8 murderous cartels out of 10.

Movie Review: Deep Red (1975)

tonight's feature: Deep Red (1975) on Shudder
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night 26 #31NightsofHalloween

I learned quite a bit after watching Deep Red. Dario Argento was the premier auteur of Italian horror and was referred to as the "Master of the Thrill". He also directed some other important horror films, including "Suspiria". But mainly I learned the progressive rock weirdo-trip-out soundtrack on Deep Red was written and performed by Italian underground legends, Goblin.

Deep Red was pretty engaging for a 1975 flick. The story did have a couple snooze-inducing moments but basically this is a classic slasher whodunnit done with tasteful atmosphere and suspense. Some genuinely creepy moments tucked in this one. Some say the 126 minute version is way better but I was pretty ok with this 105 minute version. 8 hanging dolls and murderous marionettes out of 10.

Movie Review: Mayhem (2017)

tonight's feature: Mayhem (2017) on Shudder
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night 25 #31NightsofHalloween

Mayhem was a weird little flick. It's like a mash up of Office Space and 28 Days Later. If you're into nearly non-stop ultra-violence and corporate revenge porn, this might be your perfect movie. If not, I'd stick with the classics. I "guess" it was a horror movie(?) but it sure didn't feel like one. It felt more like an episode of Fight Club if Fight Cub was caused by a virus made of methamphetamines. Or maybe Natural Born Killers if it was set inside a quarantined office building. I didn't hate it, didn't love it, but the lame joke attempts definitely kicked it down a notch. 7.5 brass knuckles out of 10.

Movie Review: The Endless (2017)

tonight's feature: The Endless (2017) on Shudder
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night 24 #31NightsofHalloween

The Endless may not answer any questions (and will likely leave you with a few) but this unsettling sci-fi horror should satisfy those with a fondness for The Twilight Zone. 8.5 ufo death cults out of 10.

Movie Review: Satanic Panic (2019)

tonight's feature: Satanic Panic (2019) on Shudder
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night 23 #31NightsofHalloween

i'm not sure why comedy horror films irk me. maybe it's because i can't even get halfway scared because it's supposed to be cheesy? either way, if you like cornball satanic comedies, Satanic Panic isn't too bad. it's a "fun" flick. i just wish these films were meant to be serious and ended up being unintentionally funny. i want to watch evil dead, not a three's company halloween episode. i knew all this going in and still watched it, so it's my fault and i'll accept that. 8 out of 10 candy corn funny hahas but only if you enjoy that candy corn crap. otherwise it's 4.5 not really funny but trying to be funny satanic yuppie neighborhoods out of 10.

Movie Review: Blood Quantum (2019)

tonight's feature: Blood Quantum (2019) on Shudder
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night 22 #31NightsofHalloween

(SPOILERS!) Let's face it: Blood Quantum had a great concept to run with but managed to fumble the ball halfway through the game. Sure, it's still worth a watch, if you're a diehard for zombie action, but it's not the epic that it should have been. I'm not here to judge the film on its historical or socio-political merits. Blood Quantum is the first Indigenous film of its kind, which I consider a great achievement. As a horror story, I was left wishing it turned out differently.

Set in 1981 on the Red River reserve on the eve of a zombie outbreak, the Red Crow people are biologically immune to the zombie bites. The first half of the film was excellent, engrossing, slowly building a story arc and then shocks you full of terror and gore and I was completely absorbed. Then suddenly the words appeared on the screen: "Six Months Later". Bad idea jeans. Now we're in what feels like a shitty, predictable episode of the Walking Dead. The locals have a fortified camp, they're arguing over survivors and everything turns to shit. Reservation bad boy Lysol gets fucked up, has a zombie chick chew off his dick, stabs his brother and sets the zombie chick loose inside the camp. A bunch of people die who shouldn't have, now the dad and grandpa and good guys have to make a rescue and put an end to this. Almost everybody dies. Maybe I'm missing something? Or maybe I'm nitpicking? Either way, watching the group fracture into two sides felt off to me, probably because of the extended time jump. Whatever.

There's still plenty of mind-bending gore and entrail-chewing action, all from a fresh Indigenous perspective. It was a well shot film with some solid acting and solid frights, but a plot turn I couldn't quite get behind. 7 drastic time jumps out of 10.

Movie Review: Haunt (2019)

tonight's feature: Haunt (2019) on Shudder
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night 21 #31NightsofHalloween

Haunt had a few minor moments that I may have written differently, but overall was a killer (pun intended) Halloween horror flick. It's notable also since it has a 69% tomato-meter rating from reviewers but 100% rating from viewers at Rotten Tomatoes. The plot basically involves a group of college students looking for an extreme haunted house on Halloween night. They find an extreme one, alright. Things are all fun and games until they finally realize the staff are not your typical haunted house variety. It does take a little while to get there but things eventually kick into gear... murderous terror gear.

The ending seemed to rule out a sequel, but I though Haunt could have qualified for one or two. 8.5 terrifying clowns inside a clown mask out of 10.

Movie Review: Terrified (2017)

tonight's feature: Terrified (2017) on Shudder
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night 20 #31NightsofHalloween


Terrified was a damn near perfect film. Sure, the plot could have gone in a slightly different direction and resolved more coherently, but I thought the entire movie was stellar. Plus, I could work on my Spanish comprehension while reading the subtitles!

Creepy and disturbing and full of frights, Terrified focuses on three paranormal investigators trying to research a severely haunted neighborhood in Buenos Aires. Each one sets up in one of three disturbed houses and pretty quickly you figure out they should not have split up the gang. I won't ruin the rest but I simply couldn't get enough of this story. There's already talk of Guillermo del Toro doing a remake and writer-director Demián Rugna has already been working on a sequel. Stoked. 9 dead children back for breakfast out of 10.

Movie Review: Bliss (2019)

tonight's feature: Bliss (2019) on Shudder
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night 19 #31NightsofHalloween

(SPOILER-ish) Bliss is the kind of movie your mom always warned you about. A discombobulating mess of drugs, sex, drugs, violence and blood. Lots and lots of blood.

Dezzy is a painter in Los Angeles. She's at her wits' end with a case of creative block. She loses her agent and is about to get evicted from her studio. Naturally she decides to get some of the most potent and dangerous drugs she can get her hands on. Things slowly spiral out of control, the extended blackouts begin, and somehow the painting starts to come right along. Then the shit hits the fan, repeatedly.

The rest of the film is a blood soaked, manic, goth metal skinemax vampire fever dream. Or maybe an ultra-violent, softcore, druggy, strobe light, nihilistic nightmare. Or it could be just what living in LA is really like.

The story isn't a bad one, and I guess the film was done well, if you're into grating MTV style edits. I thought it was just trying too hard, harder than any film I've seen in years. I read it wasn't for the squeamish before watching, but I just wanted it to end so I could get back to something else. Not because of the gore and horror and endless blood spurting madness, but the LOOK HOW CRAZY I CAN EDIT THISSSSS vibe. Sure you're making the point that someone is freaking out, we get it. Maybe you tripped and fell into a bag of cocaine before doing the final edits? Look, we've all been there, buddy.

Mostly I think Bliss could be effective as a "Don't Do Drugs, Kids!" public service announcement. My favorite review said "It's 80 tedious minutes of shouting, swearing, nudity and gore, cut together with the deftness of a chainsaw." But it's "not for everyone", which means it's "for someone" and maybe that someone is you? I can't help but wonder if I would have dug it more if it was edited differently. Bonus points for the Norm from Cheers cameo. 6.66 giant bags of El Diablo powder out of 10.

Movie Review: The Head Hunter (2018)

tonight's feature: The Head Hunter (2018) on Shudder
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night 18 #31NightsofHalloween

The Head Hunter was a fantastic monster movie, with gorgeous shots filmed in Portugal, Norway and California. It had a ton of atmosphere and a clever story about a bounty hunter in the dark ages. What it lacked was a bunch of monster action. Which makes sense considering the film's incredibly small budget. Despite those constraints, The Head Hunter is incredibly effective and engaging and should be on your must-see list. Can't help but think it would have been great as a Netflix series. 9 gruesome monster heads out of 10.

Movie Review: Impetigore (2019)

tonight's feature: Impetigore (2019) on Shudder
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night 17 #31NightsofHalloween

Impetigore is some chilling Indonesian horror. Genuinely disturbing and original, the film tells the story of a cursed village deep in the forests of Java.

I thought the movie was scary enough, but apparently it's a thing in Indonesia to kill yourself by slitting your own throat using a big sharp knife. I hadn't really considered that as a workable option, but in Impetigore it can be used as a way to threaten or punish others.. as in "DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS" or "LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE ME DO". Perhaps it's because they don't have as many guns lying around? I don't know.

Impetigore was written and directed by Joko Anwar (Satan's Slaves) who is kind of like the Steven Spielberg of Indonesian films (probably) so you know it's going to be quality. You also know you're going to be reading the subtitles the entire time so don't look away for one second or you'll be hitting the rewind button over and over.

Also, Impetigore made me want to travel to Indonesia really bad to check out their puppet mastery, rich culture and beautiful scenery. But it also made me worried that when I show up there the crazy supernatural folk tales might result in me hanging upside down and murdered so they can cut off my skin and do terrible things with it. Anyway, a solid terrifying story. 8.5 black magic curses out of 10.

Movie Review: The Blob (1988)

tonight's feature: The Blob (1988) on Peacock
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night 16 #31NightsofHalloween

(MAYBE SPOILERS?) The 1988 remake of The Blob was released the very same week that Appetite for Destruction finally hit number one on the Billboard album charts. Why is that important? It's not, really. But I don't have any recollection of this movie ever coming out in theaters. I didn't realize there was a remake until a few weeks ago. But I knew about Guns N Roses in 1988 and they changed my stupid teenage life forever. Hard to say how things would have turned out if this film had influenced me as much.

Essentially, the Blob is a predatory, gelatinous pink mucus from outer space. It dissolves and absorbs everything using some preternatural acid and manages to kill its victims in a variety of disturbing ways. It doesn't have any form until it decides to have some tentacles or a big mouth or whatever. How does that work? It's from OUTER SPACE, MAN. What we may never know is its original intent. Was it trying to kill everyone or did someone just piss it off accidentally which triggered a rampage? Well this movie says it was created as a biological weapon (not sure about the original). Who knows?

What I do know is as an 80s horror movie The Blob keeps things moving and interesting enough for a cynical old fart to enjoy. I wouldn't consider the movie especially frightening, because it's like watching some spilled pepto bismol grow into the size of a large swimming pool and terrorize an entire town. In the back of my mind, someone just needs to cover it in a bunch sawdust and sweep it into a trash bag like some middle school vomit.

One thing I WAS horrified by is young Kevin Dillon's puffy mullet. The director really dropped the ball not giving his baby face a dirty little mustache to ramp up the creep factor. That being said, the acting in The Blob was just meh. Maybe if they'd gotten a few bigger stars this movie wouldn't have been such a box office tragedy. It allegedly made $8 million on a $10 million budget. Ouch. I felt like the story was well written and the gory death scenes were pretty righteous, but the delivery was a little flat. Two things I would have added: the Blob splits into multiple versions of itself, thereby quickly overcoming the town, and more interrupted teenage makeout sessions. Would have probably done well with a sequel too. 6.5 stretchy exploding faces out of 10.

Movie Review: The Changeling (1980)

tonight's feature: The Changeling (1980) on Shudder
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night 15 #31NightsofHalloween

(SPOILERS?) The Changeling is kind of a cross between a ghost story and a Nancy Drew mystery. I'm not saying I didn't like it, I thought it had some spooky moments. But when you're actively investigating a murder on behalf of the angry child spirit trapped in the old mansion, you've crossed into another genre or two.

Any time an old haunted mansion has an industrial sized staircase, not to mention two of them, there's a pretty decent chance someone will fall down those staircases. I'm just saying.

Composer John Russell loses both his wife and daughter and decides to leave the big apple for Seattle. He moves into the most haunted giant house in the area and the bangings begin. Lots of bangings. Water starts turning on by itself in other bathrooms on different floors. He discovers a hidden room on the upper level and a small music box, which plays the exact same song he just recently finished, note for note. The same tempo and everything! "it's a startling coincidence" the lady says. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, NOW! But no. Let's have a seance, then we'll do an investigation, followed by a reckoning. Later in the film, the angry spirit slams every door in the place. John Russell screams "what do you want from me!" and I suddenly want this part to spawn a new sitcom where a lonely old man spends his evenings arguing at the top of his lungs with an annoying ghost child. The Changeling was still an engaging affair for an 80s movie. I guess I'm just less scared when the entire point was to help a little kid ghost find closure. 6.5 cobweb covered children's wheelchairs out of 10.

Movie Review: The Beach House (2019)

tonight's feature: The Beach House (2019) on Shudder
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night 14 #31NightsofHalloween

The Beach House was like some quality edibles that hit at just the right time. Or maybe it was that I didn't know anything going in so my expectations were low. Sure, the pacing felt tedious, but it didn't bother me. The film kept me wrapped up in the story, deep in a trance. So when the menacing horror unfolded I was there, trapped inside it. Some of the positive reviews called The Beach House "trippy", "economical", "dreamy", "visceral", and "captivating". On the flip side, the not so positive reviews called it "unremarkable", "uninteresting" and "nothingness". The Beach House is actually somewhere in between all of that.

Emily and Randall head to Doc's beach house during the off season. He wants to move there permanently but she's not so sure. What could be scary about staying at the beach house on the ocean? A lot, apparently. I can't bring myself to ruin the plot, but I personally loved this low-budget throwback to classic sci-fi horror. If you're looking for a slasher type of unending terror, this isn't for you. But if you like your horror more ethereal, unfathomable, and mystifying, you just might love The Beach House like I did. 9 Emergency Alert System messages out of 10.

Movie Review: 28 Weeks Later (2007)

tonight's feature: 28 Weeks Later (2007) on HBOMax
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night 13 #31NightsofHalloween

28 Weeks Later may have a few plot holes the size of the lincoln tunnel, but if you just ignore them, you still have an exhilarating and effective action-zombie movie.

rage virus zombies are way more terrifying than your traditional walking dead zombies. for one, they run faster than you and two, if you get bitten you have approximately 45 seconds before you turn. on the plus side, they're technically not dead and eventually starve to death.

near the end of the movie i thought we had another hour left, but it turned out it was only 5 minutes. i take that as a sign the movie was really working for me that i expected more. at the very end i got kind of bummed out they hadn't done a sequel, but then i read they were talking about one only a few years ago, so it could still happen. did i like it better than the first movie? almost, but i will need to rewatch the original to be sure. 8.5 code red alerts out of 10.

Movie Review: The Devil's Doorway (2018)

tonight's feature: The Devil's Doorway (2018) on Hulu
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night 12 #31NightsofHalloween

The Devil's Doorway could have been the next Exorcist. instead, this 'found footage' style movie that starts strong and spooky, trips over its own stylistic limitations and the plot finds a way to crawl into a hole and vanish.

Set in 1960, two catholic priests arrive at a 'magdalene laundry' (a type of asylum for women) in northern ireland with a 16mm camera to investigate a possible miracle: a statue of the virgin mary that weeps blood. a photo and letter were sent to the bishop anonymously and the nuns running the joint are not at all pleased about it. well they find a bit more than they bargained for and things go spectacularly awry. the place is haunted as hell and the nuns just happen to be hiding a possessed pregnant girl in the basement. long story short, the priests try to intervene and things go even further off the rails.

the found footage thing works well for most of the film, until the climax where you can't see a damn thing because the priests are running around in dark, underground tunnels and the camera gets dragged around like an old gym bag. then suddenly the movie is over and you're just sitting there asking yourself "really?". which is kind of a shame because the premise is good, the acting is pretty great, and everything works, until it doesn't.

The Devil's Doorway is probably scarier if you grew up catholic, nuns are inherently scary in my opinion. the movie reminds me of this story my mom told me where she and my aunt ended up taking my very religious grandmother to see the Exorcist in 1974, not realizing how terrifying it was. just trying to imagine my grandma walking out of that theater makes me chuckle. i watched the exorcist as a kid at a friends house and it scared the bejeesus out of me.

anyways, if you lower your expectations you might dig The Devil's Doorway. i can give it a solid 6 virgin marys weeping blood out of 10. had the ending rocked my world somehow i would have said 8 satanic rituals in caves full of children's bones. side note, the coolest thing about The Devil's Doorway is probably that the lead actor (Lalor Roddy) once had a bit part on Game of Thrones where he tried to kill bran stark. crazy.

Movie Review: The Descent 2 (2009)

tonight's feature: The Descent 2 (2009) on Prime
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night 11 #31NightsofHalloween

(POSSIBLE SPOILERS) The Descent 2 had a few chances to match the original film, but blew it in the final moments. I came in with the expectation that this movie was a turgid disappointment compared to the original (online ratings and all) but then it started to reveal some plot twists that really upped my intrigue levels.

the sequel picks up right at the end of the first film, and our surviving heroine sarah now has amnesia and is in the hospital. the other girls are missing and the local towny sheriff isn't buying it. so he drags sarah, his deputy and some other cavers back into the caves via an old mine shaft. bad idea jeans. repeat some of the original plot: someone gets stuck, people get separated, someone gets attacked, blood spurts left and right, yadda yadda.

then we find out that a crucial character is still alive from the first movie! surprise! bonus points for the monsters taking a big, actual shit on screen. i complained that the first movie was so dark i had trouble figuring out the action. well this director (Jon Harris, who was also the film editor on the original) must have agreed, so he lit every cave scene up to beyond believable levels. like batman's cave or a star trek set. super distracting.

anyway, there are other satisfying callbacks to the original and everything was running smoothly until the very end, where the writers took their own big shit on the script. i won't ruin it because someone will probably say "hey i loved that", but whatever. then another big twist at the very end that was made completely pointless since this movie didn't make enough $$ to demand another sequel. oh well, you had me there for a minute, dudes. 6.5 underground monster turds out of 10.

Movie Review: The Descent (2005)

tonight's feature: The Descent (2005) on Prime
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night 10 #31NightsofHalloween
The Descent was a terrifying movie even before you find out there are a bunch of subhuman predators deep underground in North Carolina. "let's go exploring some unknown Appalachian caves! woohoo!" no thanks. just watching someone get stuck in a small passage on a tv screen is enough to keep me out of a cave for the rest of my adult life.

The Descent eats up half of its 100 minute run time as the setup. Sarah lost her husband and daughter in an accident and one year later all the girlfriends plan to get together and do some mountain dew extreme spelunking. soon they get trapped and naturally all hell breaks loose. everyone has headlamps, flashlights, glowsticks and flares, along with a small video camera, but none of them can last forever. still, the movie is pretty dark so there are some scenes where i wasn't even sure what was happening. a few minor plot issues for my taste, but overall The Descent exceeds expectations and is a pretty convincing horror movie. 8 bloody rope burns out of 10.

Movie Review: Deathgasm (2015)

tonight's feature: Deathgasm (2015) on Shudder
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night 9 #31NightsofHalloween

Deathgasm was a fun ride if you're into extreme metal, blood, guts and general penis humor. I laughed out loud at least once (when the dude had to tune his guitar). if i was in high school, i probably would have been way more into it. i knew all that going in. movies featuring terrible garage bands are right in my wheelhouse. i was pretty engaged throughout the first half, but it got a little bit dumber as it went along. could it have worked as a serious horror flick? no way. as a gore-filled-teenage-heavy-metal-dick-joke-party-movie, i'd give it 10 chainsaws up some butts out of 10. stacked up against the rest of the horror films i've been watching this season, it's 5 double dong dildo demon fights out of 10.

Movie Review: Satan's Slaves (2017)

tonight's feature: Satan's Slaves (2017) on Shudder
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night 8 #31NightsofHalloween

Satan's Slaves is a pretty good Indonesian horror flick with some great scares. Actually a remake of a 1980 Indonesian cult classic, it features a family who have stopped practicing their Muslim faith and are tormented by the undead after their mother dies. This remake is also set in the 1980s, so you can appreciate some backward masking on a vinyl record and some viewmaster reels when they pop up. Definitely a "must watch" if you throw down for a Shudder account. 7 satanic fertility cults out of 10.

Movie Review: The Wailing (2016)

tonight's feature: The Wailing (2016) on Shudder
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night 7 #31NightsofHalloween

The Wailing was as good as it was long (156 minutes), which is to say it was exceptional in many ways. the pacing felt right, the story became more intriguing, and by the end you thought you knew the secret twist but you didn't... or did you? the story centers around a reluctant police officer, his family and a mysterious series of grisly murders happening in his village. some locals blame a shady japanese newcomer who lives in the mountains, but things aren't always what they seem. sometimes, you just need to consult your neighborhood shaman.

reading subtitles or understanding korean required. 9 mysterious japanese men living alone in the mountains out of 10.

Movie Review: Host (2020)

tonight's feature: Host (2020) on Shudder
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night 6 #31NightsofHalloween

HOST is an unusual film for a few reasons. it was filmed during the pandemic using zoom, the group meeting app, with the cast and crew setting up their own cameras, lighting, and stunts. it also clocks in at a merciful 56 minutes. on top of all of that, it has a rare 100% rating on Rottentomatoes.com.

i had heard about the movie last year and thought it sounded interesting. for a pandemic period piece, it's riveting and original. for a film shot on a zoom app, it's outstanding. basically a group of friends start a seance online (as one does) and things go horribly wrong.

i enjoyed the scares and the concept quite a bit, but a couple things bugged me and took me out of the magic. for one, zoom meetings are inherently clumsy engagements where people invariably talk over one another and then have to stop and try to figure out who talks next and what was said. the start of the movie is a lot like that, chatty girls yapping and being funny, and grandpa steve found it grating. thankfully the plot moved along quickly.

my other beef, and probably my single biggest problem with HOST, was the webcam action. if someone heard noises in the attic during a zoom meeting, not one single person on earth would carry their stupid laptop up a ladder, facing away from them. this happens multiple times in the movie, i guess because it has to, otherwise you wouldn't see what was happening. typically when i'm panicking and fleeing a demonic entity, i don't pick up my laptop, swing it around and point it at what i'm trying to escape. even at the end, a guy is running for his life away from his house... carrying his laptop with the webcam facing forward. how badass is his wifi signal? pretty badass!

those annoyances aside, i think you should watch this movie and savor the frights when they arrive. i can't quite understand anyone giving HOST a 100% rating, much less EVERY reviewer on RT. i was going to give it 7 demonic entities on a VPN, but it gets a extra bump for being only 56 minutes long, for an overall rating of 8 hysterical zoomers running with laptops out of 10.

Movie Review: A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014)

tonight's feature: A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014) on Shudder
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night 5 #31NightsofHalloween

(SPOILER? ALERT) despite thinking the title was just a throwaway line from Game of Thrones character Jaqen H'ghar, this intriguing black and white film pushes all the right cinematography buttons with compelling characters and a savvy soundtrack. promoted as "The first Iranian vampire Western" with all the dialogue in Persian, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night magically transports you to a foreign land for an intoxicating tale that is less a horror story and more of demented love story. some comparisons have been made to Let the Right One In but both films stand on their own, despite having a sympathetic vampire romance at their center.

created by writer-director Ana Lily Amirpour, who is Iranian-American, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night crosses lines that are taboo in Iran, including showing 'physical romantic love' on screen. one of the reasons it was filmed in southern California. with so much focus on being a cool, art house flick, there are very few scary moments as the story unfolds. which is fine, but i'm here for the Halloween season of fright. the only other minor complaint grandpa steve has would be the non-ending ending. traditionally i like my movie endings to resolve the story and wrap everything up. well this movie just said "eh fuck it, we're done here, later". i'm not mad about it, but i feel like i'm still waiting on the next episode. 8 skateboarding vampire chicks with impeccable taste in music out of 10.

Movie Review: The Empty Man (2020)

tonight's feature: The Empty Man (2020) on HBOMax
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night 4 #31NightsofHalloween

(SPOILER ALERT) just on the name alone, i had my doubts going in. i didn't know anything about The Empty Man except it reminded me of Slender Man, which i also know next to nothing about (except that news story where kids were killing other kids). this movie is actually based on the graphic novel of the same name. filmed in 2017, the test screen responses for The Empty Man were so bad they lost faith in the movie and buried it until october of last year. then it came out on streaming services later and gained a cult following. go figure.

this 2 hours plus journey into WTF started strong, a 22 minute intro of hikers 20 some years ago in Bhutan where things go horribly wrong and the premise is laid out. fast forward to recent times, an ex-cop who lost his wife and child is now investigating some mysterious disappearances and stumbles into the lore of the Empty Man.

sort of like a hobo version of the Candy Man, if you just happen to be on a bridge and perchance find an empty bottle, then blow into it (duh), and THEN think hard about the Empty Man, that night you will hear him. the next night you will see him, and then the next night he's basically going to kill you. if this is all you need to make up a folk tale legend, i have a few ideas... empty toilet paper roll man, full trash can man, ran out of gas man, you get the idea.

anyway i fought against my reservations and stayed engaged with this movie and thought it was pretty good. a mysterious cult of the empty man was uncovered as part of the backstory and made things even more compelling. a few legitimate creepy moments thrown in, the hunter becomes the hunted! and the movie is cooking along and... what time is it? how much longer IS this movie? oh lord 40 more minutes, fine.

as The Empty Man gets to the finale, my expectations are sky high. suddenly the story steps through a portal to a different reality and then... takes a proverbial dump. completely snapped me out of rooting for the movie. i guess i'll blame the graphic novel, but with a slight rewrite this probably could have been an epic franchise. or maybe not. still, this movie is worth a watch, and you might hate the plot twist ending less than i did. 6.5 empty bottles on a bridge out of 10.

Movie Review: It Follows (2014)

tonight's feature: It Follows (2014) on Peacock
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night 3 #31NightsofHalloween

(POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT): not gonna lie, i really dug this movie despite the ridiculous premise. maybe having sex wasn't the best way to 'pass along' a stalking evil spirit that changes shape and no one else can see, but the results were pretty chilling. i kept thinking It Follows was just an allegory for STDs. bonus points for straight copying john carpenter style music and shot selection, that really helps tie the room together. but i guess if It Follows is over-hyped, it's probably because a lot of people didn't mind it being a hot mess of a story. shooting a ghost? what? the end was the opposite of an ending, just like they ran out of film. it made me laugh out loud. now they're talking about a sequel? i'd watch it too. 8 ghastly spirits coming to hump you to death but not walking too fast behind you out of 10.

Movie Review: Trick 'r Treat (2007)

tonight's feature: Trick 'r Treat (2007) on HBOMax
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night 2 #31NightsofHalloween

a few fun facts i didn't realize about Trick 'r Treat. it was never given a wide release in theaters and became a cult favorite after going direct to DVD in 2009. considered an anthology film featuring four loosely interconnected tales in a non-linear fashion, Trick 'r Treat delivers on many levels. it feels like a great tribute to the holiday of Halloween. i thought the film was really well done and enjoyable, but grandpa steve invariably had a few bones to pick.

considering the four stories are overlapping but jump back and forth in the timeline, the 'WTF?' factor is high. for this reason i'm assuming Trick 'r Treat is more rewarding on repeated viewings (i felt like i needed to rewatch it before we even reached the end). also, the teenage campy nature of the film ebbs away at any legitimate scariness and feels akin to Friday the 13th if it was a Scooby Doo episode. which is not a really problem if you're looking for a FUN Halloween movie that still gets pretty grisly at times.

i really liked Sam, the burlap sack-faced character and how he managed to tie all the stories together. there was talk of doing a sequel at one point, so maybe he will return one day.

regardless, if they took out the funny haha parts, Trick 'r Treat would've been a lot darker and maybe i would have given it 9 poisoned candy bars out of 10. instead, i'll have to give it 7 sexy young werewolves out of 10.

Movie Review: The Canal (2014)

tonight's feature: The Canal (2014) on Shudder
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night 1 #31NightsofHalloween

SPOILER ALERT: The Canal is another one of those not-too-bad-but-should-have-been-better movies. If you're into mysterious ghost stories where you're not sure what's really happening 80% of the time, this movie may be for you. everything kicked off, and i was into the story, until i wasn't. this irish film archivist guy catches his wife having a sexy affair (or did he?) and then she ends up dead. who killed her? nobody knows. well he soon realizes there's a demonic, murdering ghost in the house AND a grisly murder happened there over a hundred years ago. naturally, he's determined to stay there and be tormented, try to film some ghost action, and put his young child at risk. speaking of his kid, i can't think of any other child film characters less concerned about a murderous spirit stalking him and his dad. "evil spirit tried to kill us? mom is dead? oh i'll have another bowl of cereal, dad." the movie finally brings it all home by the very end with the big reveal and the sinister satanic underpinnings, along with a creepy epilogue. it was just sitting through the bloated middle of the film asking yourself "what?" that made it a bit long in the tooth for me. again, a solid creepy ghost story and not a bad film, so i'll give it 6 and a half corpses floating in the canal out of 10.