when the staff goes ‘hood’, you have to fight back ‘hood’

Dream from this morning:

I was working in food service at some DC area restaurant. Not sure what my job was exactly, but I had to wear a white chefs outfit. There was an Asian woman who called out orders and her accent was so thick I would correct her mispronunciations. On this day she was fed up and told the boss. An angry woman came by and told me “2nd and final verbal warning” followed by a stern look. I said something about having a sense of humor but that was met with another dirty look. 

Next we are at a big meeting. In the middle of a pep talk, one of the chefs starts berating me. He tells me I should just “Shut up. shut up forever” which gets big laughs from the group.

In the last part of the dream, Trump turns up and allegedly owns the restaurant. He heard I might have been talking critically of him. I order my usual steak for lunch. Trump comes over and tells me I need to eat my lunch with “Valerie Jarrett” and play a game of poker with her afterwards. I sneak off and eat my lunch privately. When I came through the main dining area Valerie Jarrett was there at a table and had finished eating. I started talking to a colleague as Trump walks up. He speaks to Valerie briefly and I exit the room. I go out back behind the building. There is a field of grass with a rusty old car on the far side. Trump is already out there, with his hair blowing all crazy in the wind. It looked like a giant flame that was burning sideways.

I tried to pretend I didn’t see him and started searching for aluminum cans on the ground. He said “I knew you wouldn’t do it” without looking at me. I asked him why he was “such a dick.” He said he had to be tough to make the country tough. Then he said “sometimes, when the staff goes ‘hood’, you have to fight back ‘hood’.”

then I woke up

refrigerator ufo - out of state show - unshaven dane cook - wet burrito lookin thing

dream from this morning:

we're playing a one-off show out of state. i am flying there in a ufo shaped like a massive refrigerator. inside the ufo are stainless steel shape shifting walls and flat screen tvs. there are a bunch of rooms inside, like a house, which makes me believe it utilizes extra dimensions.

eventually we are at the show. it's in a large, wood paneled barn with a stage at one end and chairs, tables and a snack bar at the other end. the crowd is light. bob fouts is running sound. there are 4 bands playing before us. one of them might have been cootie brown. it was my idea for each band to have someone from another band sit in for a song, but everyone acts like they had no idea. it gets to be after 6pm and the lady who owns the venue says they need to take a break for everyone to eat dinner. we need to start playing at 8 and be done by 9. great. by the time we get onstage, it's already after 8pm, i try to tell the guys to hurry up. unfortunately we don't have a set list. chad suggests we play songs i don't even remember. i realize i can't remember any songs at the moment. onstage arguments ensue. looking really professional. before we play a note, i black out.

now the show is over and i'm in a large parking lot. i'm trying to argue with some of the guys that the show wasn't real, because the dates were wrong. "i don't think it even happened." they are not amused and i can tell it didn't go well. i walk over to the rental place. i'm asking about my refrigerator ufo but the guy says they have no such thing. after trying to convince him for a while i debate renting a car and threaten to walk the entire way home.

a guy from back in the day who looks like an unshaven dane cook shows up. he asks if i hit the weed shop. i told him i forgot all about it. so we walk across the parking lot and head in. i tell the guy behind the counter that i just want some gummies but unshaven dane cook is showing me all the latest gadgets and options. he shows me some cough drop looking stuff with a tiny white pill in the same package. another that you pull out like a small drawer with a trigger that lights a fire on its own. then big pre-wrapped smokes in all shapes and sizes. i buy a random assortment out of peer pressure. we walk back outside and find a crowd of people waiting by a sign. unshaven dane cook pulls out a big fattie and starts smoking it. he hands it to me. it looks like a freshly made wet burrito that is so overstuffed the sausage is rolling out and it's completely coming apart at one end. it gets passed back and forth a few times before someone says "that's not legal here".

i am now in the car with the apostle dudes. i'm still holding the wet burrito and telling them i don't think the show even happened. i ask them how bad it was. corey takes a hit and says, holding most of his breath in "it's not the worst steve janiak performance i've seen". everyone laughs.

i suddenly remember my wife drove to the show. i call her and ask why she didn't wait for me. "i got hungry" she says. she's telling me she's at a local dennys. i ask the address but the phone starts breaking up. i am pretty sure she is pretending and just blowing into the phone.

at some point later i am in a home for people struggling with some kind of mental problems. i am talking to a psychiatrist and laying out how i messed up as a kid and ran away from home. it's all very emotional and i feel like i'm getting some things off my chest. a door buzzes at the back of the building and a bunch of troubled youth come through the door and down the hall followed by two women. one of the kids swipes my cd off the table as he passes by. i just happen to see this out of the corner of my eye. i push my way through the kids and scream "little fucker!" or something as i yank the cd out of his hand. one of the ladies immediately points to the door and yells "YOU'RE OUT OF HERE". i grab my backpack and tell her off in colorful language. she goes on to put me on blast and tell me what a joke i am, that i "pay through the nose" for all these services and get nowhere. everyone laughs.

i walk into another room and completely lose my shit. i am yelling about never having been talked to that way before. i'm screaming at the top of my lungs, slowly and emphatically, and snot is flying out of my nose. a woman walks in to try to calm me down. then kellyanne conway comes in right behind her with some kleenex. suddenly i wake up.


the end?

hijacked & kidnapped in europe

dream:

i was on a group tour going through europe. some of the same people from our africa trip were on the bus. there were lots of laughs and good times. we drove over some incredibly high mountain range and it acted like a roller coaster.

at the next big city, it seemed like we took a wrong turn. we came to the end of a darkened street, and as we were about to turn left, a large man with a machine gun demanded we get out of the vehicle. they took our phones and wallets and put us all in a living room of a nearby house with some woman to keep an eye on us. we could see them going through our stuff out the window. i tried come up with some plan to get us out of this situation but came up empty. i even argued with the woman and struck her across the face. she said they were going to torture and kill me when they found out.

she went outside to get someone, so i ran to a door in the house and opened it. it was a bathroom. i tried to find a place to hide, but they were going to find me. there was another door on the opposite side of the bathroom and it went to a hallway connecting other apartments or living areas. i found a locked door and kicked it in. there was a girl in this room, maybe 11 years old. she started to scream so i put her in a headlock until she passed out. i grabbed her phone and texted my wife. (who was somehow at work and not on the trip).

TEXT: hey, it's me, steve! we are kidnapped and these men have our stuff. pls use this GPS information and contact the police!

i hid for a while as my heart raced (in real life) and finally heard sirens. the men were arguing over who was taking what when the police finally arrived. i ran out and found my backpack among the loot, they hadn't found my ipad or laptop. i couldn't believe it. there was more to it but i can't remember.

then i woke up