Nov 30, 2015 11:38am Dreams I had last night: 1. Lavar Burton busted me for sneaking into a huge Hollywood office building to say hi to a Price is Right model. 2. I stole a big vehicle to transport Al Roker, Angela Buchmann & Anne Marie Tiernon to the hospital after running off a lone shooter who shot Roker through the midsection. 3. I was tasked with protecting a classic oil painting from Morgan Freeman's crackhead brother, who claimed it as an inheritance.

Nov 17, 2015 10:23pm i just realized i had a dream wednesday morning about being in a restaurant setting when armed men attacked in ski masks with machine guns. in the dream i was shot and played dead, eventually taking a gun and killing a few of the men. i woke up and sent myself an email so i didn't forget. weird

Oct 27, 2015 10:10am had a long dream early this morning where i was the new member of metallica. last week i had a similar dream that i was in the foo fighters, and another dream where i won three lottery jackpots on the same day.

Oct 09, 2015 10:35am had a crazy dream i was working undercover for a big time gangster. there were machine guns, a secret base, and a helicopter gun battle all over an insanely large transfer of money. after the explosions, the helicopter crash and nearly everyone dying, the double cross had been achieved, all the money was in a couple giant duffle bags.

Sep 12, 2015 10:19am had a dream i brought two kittens and a hermit crab home from a pacer game. carried them across town in my bare hands. what.

Obama party with YOB

Sep 06, 2015 10:23am Dream: Was working a food service job at Obama's other house. Thought I was doing a great job running a crew but they got grease and mayonnaise all over carpets and walkways when I ordered them the long way through the house. Later, at a huge dinner party, I came back to apologize and openly wept as I asked forgiveness, both were livid. I found out Obama took the fire alarm glass breaker arm because he was afraid I would pull it at the party, then I confessed I had taken another one in case I decided to. At the party, celebrities and everyone else were asking who I was and it slowly leaked out that I was responsible for the messes right before the big event. While YOB played in a side room for a crowd of dinner guests(haha), I stood in a hall to listen, trying to avoid people. A homeless woman walked up with what looked like a rabid dog and a dirty toddler. She asked for some money as the kid reached for my pants pocket. I quickly jabbed at his hand with a stiff wire. She apologized and the kid tried again, while everyone was watching, but this time I stabbed it all the way through his hand. Now everyone was freaked out and I took off with the rabid dog after me. Outside it turned dark. The dog caught up with me and I was getting ready to shoot it under a streetlight. Someone ran up and told me the lady and kid were criminals. I felt a little better, but then I woke up.

Kickin' Kanye Out with a Load in my Drawers

Aug 24, 2015 12:27pm had a dream I kicked kanye west off a computer in some arena backstage because i shit my pants and needed the bathroom

The Chips Were Mine, Dawg

Jul 25, 2015 10:44am so I had this ridiculous dream where I was on some cruise ship trying to carry an obscene amount of loose potato chips in my folded arms across a crowded room to a table. as I'm walking, my friend Tommy Miller reaches out to snag some and I get mad, because clearly I am carrying this precious cargo for an important mission. As I finally get to the table, he runs up and again reaches across me for a handful as I drop them. Naturally, I angrily palm his face and shove him to the floor. Some kid videos the entire thing and put it online, and it goes viral. Soon the entire world is watching this video and calling for a boycott of me and my entities. Someone interviews me and they cut out the parts where I said I felt bad and overreacted, and constantly replay the part where I say "the chips were mine, dawg". Poor Tommy is allegedly in the hospital and I never find out if he's ok. I start getting death threats. I pass by a tv and realize that they are arguing how to punish me on CNN and ESPN and the like. I'm still on the cruise ship and people start to follow and heckle me. At some point I have a piece of pizza in one hand and a small salad in the other, and two douchebag renegades try to antagonize me , one puts his hand on my pizza while the other puts his hand in the salad. A crowd of people and cameras wait for me to explode. I scream "WTF" and drop the food to leave. This goes on for days and days. Nothing can erase the public perception of me as a violent potato chip hoarder and I'm getting depressed. Finally I wake up and let out a sigh of relief.

cruise ship heroin lounge

dream:

was on some kind of weird futuristic cruise ship. it was so huge it had roads and towns. at a gas station, a mobile strip club pulled in to fuel up. it was three segmented compartments connected with a  hitch... covered in neon lights.

later i'm in the mall on the cruise ship. there's a boutique heroin lounge. i'm wanting to try it but not sure if i'll get in trouble. the lady at the desk informs me you pick your amount and pay. give up your ID. they take you back to a little room and give you a dose. you relax in a chair or on a couch. if your heart stops beating, the phone will ring on the front desk and they'll come resuscitate you. my crazy neighbor lady is there. i know this because i figure out that once you're in the small rooms, they shrink you to miniature size and put you in this tiny dollhouse. i found the dollhouse and lived up the top. saw everyone very tiny from above. i convince myself i don't need to try it, because i can reach the same enlightened state via meditation.

there was more to it but i can't remember

moving to a small blue house with a huge pipe organ

well yesterday morning i woke up after dreaming for what seemed like days about zombies. there was literally too much to type it all up. today's dream was different.

we had moved to a small blue house in the downtown area. which was odd, because later when you looked out certain windows it was cornfields as far as the eye could see. inside the house was a lot of custom stucco. rounded entry-ways, curved edges, a long tunnel to the kitchen. the basement was small and unfinished. i could see it through a grate in the floor. i was bummed that the band didn't have a place to practice. the floors were all dark wood planks. it seemed kinda small. after being there a while i stumbled on a door i didn't remember being there. past the door was a large room off the main entry to the house. i think there was some furniture in one end. on the other end were two wooden doors about 30 feet tall. the handles were 15 feet in the air. somehow i got them opened and inside was a giant pipe organ looking thing. at first i didn't see any keys. then i started fidgeting with it and found them covered up. once i removed the cover i noticed all the keys on once side were black and the other side was white. above the normal row of keys was another smaller row, all brown. above those, in a semicircular pattern from left to right, were what looked like typewriter keys. each one had a small icon on the end, like a skull, or a pair of dice. i started pressing each one and they were various percussion sounds. handclap here, shaker, snare drum, etc. i'm pressing all the keys finally and making a racket. to the left of my foot are pedals to play chords.

suddenly my wife yells that dave grohl is there. he probably wants to shoot a video about the pipe organ. i ignore him and keep making noise with the thing. eventually he leaves and i am still at the organ. later i see through the window some kids carrying gear into a house. one of them comes to our porch and asks if we're going to call the cops on them if they have a loud house party. we laugh.

at some point we leave. when we come back there is a burgler in the house, but i'm in such a good mood, i don't recognize him as a burgler and start asking him questions. eventually i figure out that my wife is freaked out so i detain him. but i can't remember much else.

the end?

the song that invented rock and roll, the shadow creature from the sea

dream:

i'm a 14 year old kid wandering around in a post office / hotel lobby. seems like i'm very poor. i may have been begging people for money. for some reason i get inspired and, using a sea shell and some toilet paper, i record a song. the guitar part seems like it was already there, because i never see the guitar. but it's a blues progression with an uptempo groove. i scat lyrics over the top of the guitar and everything seems divinely inspired, as i was channeling "from beyond the source of all understanding". i soon learn the song isn't just any song, it's the most important song ever, as it's "the song that invented rock and roll".

i remembered in the dream being really glad i got a copy of the song recorded somehow. most dreams end and i don't have the proof of what happened, but this feels different. after i listened back to the song, i uploaded it on bluetunes, which is like youtube for songs. eventually i am asking people for money for a hotel room. a security guard who looks like christopher meloni from Law & Order: SVU comes up and starts to throw me out. i get out the sea shell and play him the song and make up some story about it. he quickly is amazed and arranges a hotel room for me to stay in. once i confessed to him that i wasn't an old bluesman (but actually a 14 year old kid), he became enraged and cancelled the reservation. then i'm pretty sure he threw me out.

i knew the song was good, but i looked at bluetunes again and it was already over 5,000 hits. then i played it for some musician friends who all marveled at the hilarious yet poetic scat lyrics that i can't remember now. later on, the song was up to 5 million hits.

but before that point, chuck brown showed up in a 1970 buick riviera to give me a ride. in the passenger seat is gary busey, so i hop in the back. we're driving in shallow water along a beach. we're heading southwest, more or less towards a deep orange sunset. on our right is a thick forest of palm trees. we start talking about this or that and end up arguing about interstate highways and traffic jams. eventually i pull out the sea shell and play them the song. they both recognize instantly that the song was divinely inspired. then gary busey talked about his spirit experience.

suddenly, a huge, dark wave races towards us from the ocean. it looks like a whale or a submarine. before we can even ask what it is, it crashes into the front of the car, knocking us out of the water and into the trees. in the melee, i catch glimpses of it even though it seems to move at the speed of light. it's solid black. in an instant it reaches out with laser arms into the car and touches gary busey and myself. i get a cold chill of fear down my spine. it's a shadow person, but the size of a school bus. it takes off down the beach. as scared as we are, we run after it. soon we end up back at the post office / hotel and it's grabbed someone, putting itself inside the person. i call out and it lets go and runs past me. now it looks like it's wearing a trench coat and hat, but it's still 30 feet tall. i confront the thing, yelling at it and scolding it. it appears to change emotionally. it looks remorseful and slinks off into the sea

the end?